Tonight's elimination show was probably the most predictable one in idol history. Never before have viewers, television critics, Idol producers, judges and even the contestants themselves been more convinced of the outcome  for this week in the competition. Sayesha Mercado embraced her fate with her quintessential plastic smile and made way for a David squared finale.

 The show started out with a platitudinous group rendition of "Aint No Stopping Us Now." I cringed at some of the dance steps and felt particularly sorry for the guys. Hip swaying is never becoming on any guy, unless of course he's a Latin dancer. I felt especially sorry for David Cook. You just can tell that he was thinking "kill me now."

This was followed by a baffling and rather blood curdling performance by Fantasia, who sported pink-red hair, and a black body suit that looked like it needed a throng of wardrobe assistants to stretch onto her. She jerked her body around unapologetically as if she were auditioning for a sequel of The Exorcist, and bared her orthodontic fangs, terrorizing poor Simon. After her performance, Simon gave Randy a sidelong glace that said, "What was THAT all about?"

Then came the homecoming videos- first up was little David, who wasn't sure if anyone would show up, only to find millions of overwrought teenage girls tugging at his sweater with the kind of zeal that had me concerned for him (my maternal instincts acting up again). If I had taken a shot every time little David exclaimed "gosh", I'd probably have been hammered by the end of his segment. When he cried my visceral love for this kid surged in an embarrassingly unrestrained way. I've come to terms with the fact that little David has the ability to initiate an inexplicable tenderness in people, much like the Elmo effect.

Sayesha had a less overwhelming homecoming compared to either of the Davids. When her dad talked about the family's struggle with his addictions, I developed a new respect for Sayesha. She definitely has held it together remarkably well considering her family's troubled past.

David Cook's homecoming was the most mammoth of them all. It's pretty obvious that the producers have done a 180 in the favor of the older David- he got the pimp spot this week and his homecoming segment was hands down the best. I got choked up when he broke down a little bit. And I'm not going to lie--for a second I wished I were Ms. Gentry, his elementary school music teacher, when he gave her a big hug. Gahh I'm so in love with him-- ok ok I'm done swooning, I promise.

When Ryan asked Randy if he was contradicting himself when it came to Hot David's performance, Randy rambled about how David knew what he meant. At this Hot David raised an eyebrow (loved this) and Randy explained himself. Hot David then quipped that he only just got what he meant, which led Randy to stutter something, and I clapped my hands in jubilation. Finally, Randy has been called out for the string of vacuous expressions he dispenses every week.

(Side note: I thought David Cook's little brother was such a sweetie! It's nice to know that there are no bitter feelings there, since David basically attained what the younger Cook dreamed of for himself.)

The final three then waited hand in hand for Ryan's fateful words. No suspense at all. He first announced that David Archuleta is in the finale. Little David looked disoriented. David Cook gave him a big brotherly hug. Then David Cook's name is called. He looked nonplussed and gave Sayesha a big hug. Both Davids looked very stressed out and neither of them was jumping up and down.

Sayesha performed one last time and David Archuleta dejectedly mouthed the words to the Alicia Keys song. Last year I remember Jordan and Blake were ecstatic when they found out they made the top two. What gives? I'm sure Nigel Lithgow is making up for the lack of enthusiasm displayed by the top two, as his much anticipated David vs. David finale is now a reality.

So, who will this year's idol prince be? A guy named David, perhaps?