Behold, these are some of the signs of this mysterious syndrome:
-A sudden perking up of the ears, and flushing of the cheeks (any of them) when David Cook's name is mentioned.
-The stunning ability to lose oneself for hours watching Youtubes of DC on American Idol, in fan vids, in vids of His Utterly Hawtness playing in bars. Hunger Strike', anyone?
Suddenly finding a common connection with store clerks, piano teachers, carpool buddies, strangers on trains, strangers on the Internets; all with major fangurl crushes on the succulent David Cook.
-Hours spent scanning boards, forums, blog postings, photos, recaps, articles where the name of His Utterly Hawtness is mentioned.
-Getting a Word Nerd number.
-Buying a David Cook piece of memorabilia, be it teeshirt, decal, licence plate holder, (I want the one that says, 'It's a David Cook Thing. You Just Wouldn't Understand'). Extra points for buying the David Cook fan bracelet: proceeds split to help get Adam Cook, David's older brother who is terminally ill, out to the finals, and also to the American Brain Tumour Association.
-Saving an incredible pile of images of His Utterly Hawtness to one's desktop folders. And setting them as computer wallpapers. Extra points to those with multiple monitors (ahem) with different photos on each one. Also to those who change the images hourly.
-Sneaking in to one fansite in particular-when supposed to be working-to read the fan fictions (and wishing the writers, a talented bunch of fangurls all, would quit working or going to school or being mothers or otherwise having lives and just update! Update! Update! More often, please).
-Steamy dreams, day or night, all with DC in the starring role. Preferably with chocolate and strawberries and well, maybe some of Bitten's toys.
Ahem. Gonna need me a few moments here, gurls.
How on EARTH did this happen to me? I'm a respectable, average, middle of the years woman, who never, EVER crushed, and never understood those who did. In fact, I was tomboy in my tweens and teens; hell, still am. I've always loved music, granted, but have shunned the whole celeb-stalker miasma that seems to erupt around anyone who has done anything even remotely interesting. I'm a cynical person, most of the time, sarcastic/snarky about pop culture.
My interests in American Idol only ran to watching 'The Best of the Worst' in other years, or at the most the tryouts til they reached top 24. Until this year. (And, for the record, I never watch Canadian Idol, not for a moment. Yup, I'm up here in the land of the Frozen Chosen.)
So WTF happened this year? This kind of goofy-looking young guy with a nice smile and a pretty fine set of pipes caught my attention. In Omaha. OMAHA? Where the heck is that, anyway? I said to my Dearly Beloved, 'that's one to watch.
At first it was simple admiring of DC's musical ability, and his quirky personality. There were others in that 'most talented top 24' who we both liked. Carly. Amanda. Michael. But the night DC strutted out with his Les Paul and rocked out to Free's 'All Right Now' I fell. Hard. That was the first night I really paid attention to the story arcs before each one sang.
He's a word nerd. Ulp. I make a living as a word nerd. Okay, so he's clever; Articulate, a bit sarcastic, occasionally inclined to malapropisms. And there's something in that face, those eyes, that calls me.
By the time he finished with 'All Right Now', I was in fullblown smittenness, which if it isn't a word it should be. I was glad my DB wasn't watching the show with me, because my face was glowing with the heat of a thousand burning lustful thoughts. And they weren't directed at DB, but at this hawt young thang who played a few equally hawt licks on his guitar, turned 'Come Firetruck Me' (drop the iretr if this makes no sense to you) eyes on the audience, and sexed every woman with a heartbeat in North America. And quite a few in other continents. Simon, I love you too, darlin', but you were so wrong that night, and Pauler was right. Women like smart men. Especially ones with CFM eyes.
And nice manners. Have you SEEN the way that boy treats his mamma? And his former teachers? And little kids? And Seacrest? His Utterly Hawtness isn't just hawt and screamingly talented; he's polite, he's humble, he's not afraid to shed tears in front of seventeen gazillion watchers.
And So It Goes. (Lest you think that was a crack about the Archubot, I suggest you dig out your paperback copy of Slaughterhouse Five.) I've been besotted for weeks, watching every show and ever performance of His Utterly Hawtness umpteen times. Watched him morph from a cuddly-cute guy with great voice to a glorious, shining star is born (thanks, Pauler, glad you noticed). And crushing worse with every passing week.
It could be worse. If I was a man I'd be getting a red convertible and a trophy girlfriend, right? Instead, I'm just steeped in this bewildering, lustful love for a majorly talented hunka hunka burnin' love. Who had better win this damn competition on Wednesday night. Oh yah. There's this singin' competition goin' on, and His Utterly Hawtness is in the final two along with what Bitten and others in the Den call The Embryo. But we shall not raise his presence in this post. Another time.
Like the ol'song goes, if lovin' him is wrong, I don't wanna be right. Neither do any of my fellow cougars/cougarlets in training. As soon as science gets it right, for humanity's sake, David Cook must be cloned.
World peace will break out immediately afterwards. Or something.
Leading you through the Maze that is FangurlforDavidCookitis, I'm ariadne.
Comments
bardgal 05/16/08
OMG! "Succulent", "malapropisms", and btw, "smittenness" is a word NOW. Hey, Shakespeare invented words and SO CAN YOU!
Are you REALLY older than me amiga? And Vonnegut too!!
I worship you. And your handle.
Scarlett 05/16/08
Woooo Ariadne....you rock girl!! I also find myself roaming the D. Cook fansites when I should be working....hopefully I won't get fired but sexy might just be worth it! And CFM eyes.....priceless!!!
palais 05/16/08
I'm in Word Nerd heaven.
And Vonnegut is my favorite writer. Slaughterhouse-Five is my favorite book.
I love words... malapropisms!!!!... I played Malaprop in college.
Smittenness is the new ridicudonk!
A, perfection.
I want a word Nerd number!
palais 05/16/08
And I forgot the CFM eyes. Grrrrrr.
ariadne 05/16/08
Thanks, sistas for all the nice props! Those CFM eyes are dangerous...he should come with warning decals on him, or his performances should, or something.
To get a word nerd number, you have to go to the American Idol website and head to the forums. Or you can google Topic: The New & Improved David Cook Fanlisting; go to the last of 130 + and request a Word Nerd number; the explanations are all there. It takes about 24 hours to get one, as the person doing them updates once daily.
My number cracks me up. Look at the two middle numerals, and indulge in a little freestyle dreaming....
Bitten 05/16/08
Lurv it alllllll... Xcept the part bout havin a Word Nerd number. Luv ya dahlin, but that's just wrong. ATE UP with Fangirl!!!
And palais is right -- "smittenness" really should be the new ridicudonk. Quite the way with words, lady... me likey!
Dayum, it's no wonder I'm having issues with Cookie Detox right now... I'm a freakin alcoholic who's trying to go clean while working in a brewery. As a professional "taster". I gotta get a new job...
palais 05/16/08
I have crossed over to the dark side and have become a full out fangurl. I requested a Word Nerd Number.
ariadne 05/16/08
Ooops, getting tired (3 hours of sleep a night is catching up with me.) If you google 'Where do I get a David Cook Word Nerd Number' you'll get right to the part of the forum where you need to be on MyIdol. You'll have to register, and then send a note to the person who started that forum topic.
Bitten 05/16/08
Et tu, Brute? Et tu?
palais 05/16/08
I was already a member... under palais, of course. I'm not very active there because the fangirls can be overwhelming.
But now I need a number...
ariadne 05/17/08
yah, the fangurls are a bit much...but so long as they melt their GoPhones on Tuesday night, they can squee and chatter all they want about Our Man.
Giggle. C'mon, Bitten. You KNOW you want to.
palais 05/17/08
That is evil, A. So evil...
helloluvah 05/17/08
Can soooo relate. Could another sign on "the syndrome" be buying AITour tickets? Or, does that just throw me into a whole other category of crazy?
Bitten 05/17/08
helloluvah - buying Tour Tickets is AOK only if you have tickets for all of us. You DO, righhhhht?
helloluvah 05/17/08
Sheesh...do wish! Floor seats are around $500 a pop on the sites I've been to.
ariadne 05/17/08
500 bucks a pop? For AI? Wow. And yah, Helloluvah that's definitely a sign of the syndrome. Forgot that one, because of course they're only coming to Toronto in Canada, near as I know. Gag. I might have to just bite the bullet, get a damn passport (never been high on my list of priorities) and head to Boston or Rhode Island or something.
palais 05/17/08
I'd need to go to Seattle or something. I should look into that passport.
helloluvah 05/17/08
Well, I'm not a concert snob....prefer smaller venues actually...but if I am gonna bite the bullet and do this thang I really need to be on the floor. Ya know! Get all up-close-n-personal with sexy. So, yes, it looks like good floor tickets are in the neighborhood of 500. (Unless, I'm an idiot and haven't found the cheaper sites.) As for venue location, I've narrowed it down to the cities in Texas (for obvious reasons but the dates suck), Vegas - can't go wrong, or the last tour date in TULSA. (It's official, folks, I've reverted back to the stalking days of my 20s. So sad.)
helloluvah 05/17/08
oh, and ariadne, girl, you must get a passport....it's 2008 afterall :) Luv Canadian hockey players, btw. (one other obsession to note)
helloluvah 05/17/08
Ladies - wanted to follow up with more deets for those interested in Tour Tickets. Apparently, most online ticket sites like stubhub and ticketsnow are nothin' but a bunch of pimps. Floor seats are high on these sites, but I was able to grab floor seats for the Tulsa show on 9/13 by calling the venue's box office this AM. So, you might have better luck by going direct. Just a little fyi for those looking to see our man live this summer.....
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