So... y'all are familiar with my little Guitar Hero sex toy saga, right? Yah, SoIntoItGirl was nice enough to order me one, and the damned thing crapped out on me when I tried to kick it into "SexFaceMoneyNote" speed... which is really the ONLY speed, yah, right?
Well, SoIntoItGirl,... the saga continues! Where do I begin? Well, first and foremost, love me some inflatable action with my new Boyfriend, size 13 boots and All!!! Ya Haw!!! And yes, the tats are still in tact! Well, they were... I'll get to that. Anyhoo, I decide to run to the post office to return the Guitar Hero. I had called customer service and they said that they would swap out the made-in-China model for the one made in Blue Springs, MO. Not only that, they’re throwing in a free upgrade. I'll be tossing out those rechargeable batteries – the model they are sending me is powered by nuclear fusion!!! Not only will this model purr like a Cougar on Crack, but the power it emits is sufficient to light the whole upstairs of my house! But that’s not even the best part… you’re really not going to believe this! At the touch of a button, the Guitar Hero converts into an iPhone! How MacGyver is that?! Now, me thinks that is not a phone I actually want to 'use' (ya feel me?), but I LOVE the fact that I can quickly disguise the goods if I hear Mr. Big coming. I really must avoid any more closet incidents, lest he feel compelled to kick David Cook’s cougar-lovin ayasse. Oh, but I digress…
So, I’m taking the Guitar Hero back to the post office, right? I decide to take my new blow-up Boyfriend with me – b/t/w, Angelicus, he fits perfectly in the passenger seat. Anyhow, I’ve got the windows of my Lexus rolled down, the roof is open, and I’m blaring Def Leppard’s “Too Late for Love”. I forgot how hot and bothered that song makes me! Feeling a little… on the prowl… we stop at a red light, I reach over for a little “love nip”, and damned if I don’t bite a big ole hole in him! Well, that little focker shoots out the top of my sunroof like a rocket, where a big gust of wind just swoops him into the stratosphere! I’m pretty sure Boyfriend is floating over the Chatooga by now… Bye Lovah, I barely knew ye. So, yah, SoIntoItGirl, I’m currently toy-less. True story. It sucks to be me.
Comments
Bitten 05/25/08
1:12 am -- I got a call from the Georgia Highway Patrol and there has been a Boyfriend sighting over Chatsworth, GA. Collin, honey, I think he's headed your way! Let me know if you see him now, ya hear?
bardgal 05/25/08
Too bad the jet stream doesn't blow WEST.
I am feeling your pain gurl!!!!
SoIntoItGirl 05/25/08
Bitten-
Your Guitar Hero Boyfriend inflatable has been recovered in Blue Springs, MO. - when they are injured, they return the home.
He was identified as yours by the Bitten signature you made in Sharpie Pen on his fine Aysse and from the sticky redisue that he was coated in, the SUGAH!
Collin Kelley 05/25/08
Yeah, I discovered the Archuleta converts into an Easy Bake Oven or a Princess Barbie. I wonder if there's a Jason Castro Guitar Hero? I saw a picture of him smokin' some ganja on Google with his shirt off and he's surprisingly hunkahookah.
SoIntoItGirl 05/25/08
Collin-
I hear the problem with the Jason Casto UKULELE HERO is that you can't remember what happend, your house gets smokey and you have a terrible case of the munchies.
Comes with a "how to" for Dredlocks book.
Angelicus 05/25/08
Thanks for the heads up Bitten. Den mates are better than consumer reports! I'm all about efficiency and multitasking so I need something really Handy, Easy to Use, and Transport. I'll order today - promise...
Collin - I'm checking the new catalogue out and it says that JC's UkuHero transforms back into the red EASY button. Push and go. Now with limited second hand smoke. Great Huh!
Bitten 05/25/08
Thanks, SIIG! I got the call from Blue Springs this morning. Something you should know -- Boyfriend comes with a lifetime guarantee, just like a freakin Vermont Teddy Bear! Yep, any sort of injury whatsoever, you just send him back to the factory in Blue Springs, and they'll nurse him back to health and ship him back to you. They said I should expect to see him around Wednesday, what with Monday being a holiday and all.
Oh, and I don't know that I properly thanked you SIIG... Boyfriend is the gift that jus keeps on giving... ya feel me?
SoIntoItGirl 05/25/08
Bitten-
Thanks for that warranty information. I did not yet get through the whole owners manual, there is just too much to take in! Know what I am sayin'?
You are ever so welcome my den sister!
Yes, he does keep on givin' and in ways beyond his years.
I just keep a playin' that clip with the cookie crumb trail to the cookie jar, ya know the one from the finale. Molten Hot Sex God Lava! That is what that clip should be titled! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
SoIntoItGirl 05/25/08
Angelicus-
Where did you get the catalog from? I have only been able to find information abou the Guitar Hero on the internet.
palais 05/25/08
I'm killin' myself here. Too damn funny.
takenbutsmitten 05/26/08
Hmmm...Blue Springs is only 3 hours from here....wonder if it would be faster to pick one up! Bitten....You've been cracking me up the past few weeks. Keep on trying to keep Mr. Big in the dark for awhile longer.
SoIntoItGirl 05/26/08
taken
Word has it that the StrumminLuvah GuitarHero is on back order.
Only the SitarHero, BoomerangHero, GaspHero and BongHero are currently in stock.
Angelicus 05/26/08
SIIG - I get lots of specialty catalogues in the mail. I???m really surprised you haven???t gotten this one. It has all the best toys from our favorite show. Obviously, the GuitarHeros and UkuHero are available, and I see they have the Michael J. available. It comes with a joy stick. Yes, I ordered both.
There are some sale/clearance items towards the back - David H pants are free for the first 300 orders, Chickie says he will personally deliver his, the re-animated Brooke doll is half price. Oh, and all I can say about Amanda???s 75% off is that it transforms back to a really long ***** with warning and caution signs. Scary!
Bitten 05/26/08
Taken, not sure how or why, as I mentioned on SIIG's blog, the nuclear-powered Guitar Hero showed up today, Holiday and all.
Thank You God.
What I didn't share was... Mr. Big was the one that brought it upstairs... and unwrapped it... and tied me up...and then **** **** **** **** to me while **** me, but not before he **** **** **** **** me and then **** **** me. Ya Haw....
Funny thing is... I don't think Big realized what it actually was. It is a cleverly disguised implement, after all. I don't think I'll tell him...
Angelicus 05/26/08
Bitten - Too much!
Angelicus 05/26/08
That's all I could get out for a couple of minutes LMAO!
Bitten 05/26/08
Hey, SIIG, tell me more about the Boomerang Hero. I think I musta missed the down-lo on that lil number... please do share.
SoIntoItGirl 05/26/08
Ya know, it is the Michael Johns Hero - the Boomerang Hero...I hear it keeps comin' back for more. He's not my thang, so you'll have to check on a John's Fangirl blog.
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