Greetings all of my cougars, kittens, and DC Crazies! I have missed you all dearly as I have been attempting to complete my David Cook detox program this week. While it has been hard to let go, I have been taking some good and healthy steps towards recovery. I have cut down on my cyber stalking considerably, I haven't used the terms....Licktastic, CFM Eyes, or Sexilicious in everyday conversation in the past few days and I have been cutting down on the time I re-watch the guitar hero commercial while secretly imagining that the guitar he is...um..."handling"....is in fact yours truly.....yummm....anyway, yes I do believe I am on the right track to recovery and maybe one day I can be a normal, sane person once again. But here is the thing......DAVID COOK JUST WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! I mean I think the man is obsessed or something. Now I know it must be hard to let someone as hot, sexy and fabulous as myself go but David....you are just going to have to try!!!
First, I need you to stop showing up on my TV talk shows during all hours of the day looking so freaking hot and licktastic that I spend most of the rest of the day thinking about all the dirty things I want to do to you.....you just have to stop that.....it just isn't fair!.
Second, You have to stop trying to force your way into my mind during random times in the day and compelling me to continuously re-watch youtube videos of you. I mean enough is enough! I am detoxing and letting you go so you are just going to have to accept that and let me get on with my life!
Last but certainly not least, I know that you of course come around here and read the blogs and must have learned that I am in fact....taken.....which must have broken your heart. I know that the pain and shock of this revelation must have rendered you temporally insane, which is the only reason to explain why you would chose to willingly go on a date with...who I will only refer to as "that annoying blonde chick"!........ Sweetie, I know you must be broken hearted over me but there is no need to act out in this way. I know you are just trying to make me jealous but it is not going to work because I am happily engaged and just can't be with you no matter how hard you try.
Now I have enjoyed the past few months we have spent together but it is time for you to let me go. So you are going to have to stop looking so damn HOT, stop entering my thoughts during random times in the day, and stop forcing me to peruse the internet for all things SEXY!!! Because as part of my detox, you are going to have to start leaving me alone!!
(However, just so you know, you are still invited to my Bachelorette party. Me and my girls from the Den have some fun party games planned....one example being pin-the-tail-on-whatever-part-of-the-cookie-you-want-to-do-shots-off-of game....thanks JWG.....along with many others.....trust me you won't be disappointed...and I guarantee you will leave happy!)
.....NOT THAT I CARE OR ANYTHING....because I am over you....and I am detoxing.....and I will continue to tell myself that over and over again until it finally takes....love ya!
Scarlett
Comments
bardgal 05/28/08
I need some clarification on our Bachelorette party shot off DC party game.....
1. I am assuming each turn consists of one LOCATION on McSexaliscious' HAWT BOD... yes?
2. Is there a time limit? I mean, if I choose to pour, let's say, Bailey's onto the valley of UberYumm's abs... you know, running from between the pecks, across navel, down that sexy landing strip.. to... well..... wherever it flows and I have to **** off without spilling a single drop... that could take some time considering the ControlFactor(tm).
just wondering so I can prepare properly.
bardgal 05/28/08
hmmm... the missing word was innocent enough, let me see if I can respell...
Iiiick
bardgal 05/28/08
I like the asterisks better.
pennylane 05/28/08
I've got my dollar bills ready...
KCHDW 05/28/08
Scarlett, my fellow cougar, I feel your pain. I just got my boss to burn all of the ITune videos I bought. Can do the tunes, but can't seem to find a DVD burner to save my life. It's bad enough that I already have nearly every DC performance recorded on a VHS tape- as well as a second one containing just the ZZ Top Set. Why don't those morons at ITunes get that loaded up. That was the best part of Wednesday night.
I was lucky enough to be nursing a month long eye infection yesterday that kep me home and like the pirate I resembled peeped out mono ocular and watched his HAWTNESS on R/K and then again on Ellen. Wondering how he did east coast/coast run.
I also wrote on another blog, how do we know he wears a size 13 boot. That's some big feet. And we all know what that means.
Maybe one of these days AI will run him out to Huntington Beach, rub a little SPF40 on his pastyness and allow him to get a bit of color.
Gosh, I wish he would get out of my head.
cougarpride 05/28/08
KCHDW--bout the size 13 boots:
someone read his aura off a photo in the link below and said...
"Sexual Charisma databank at the Belly Chakra
* Not Singing: Enthusiastic, playful, youthful sexiness ??? David is WELL ENDOWED (caps added). His puppy-like vibe could easily evoke puppy love.
* Singing: Aw, I???m actually starting to like this guy. How refreshing that he isn???t doing anything revolting or hyped up or prostitutional (Yes, I know that???s a made up word). The same sexiness shows as David has the rest of the time, and it blends nicely with his amped-up root chakra presence."
how often do you see that in an aura reading??? although maybe she's a cougar too?
http://www.rose-rosetree.com/blog/2008/05/09/david-cook-aura-reading/
ariadne 05/28/08
Um, we know he has size thirteen feet because he said so in an interview.
As to the corresponding relationships...I give you
http://tinyurl.com/4b49y7.
WARNING. Make sure no significant others are anywhere near you when you check this photo out. Because you will gasp, drool and need to go organize your toys. Immediately.
You have been warned.
*fans self*.
Scarlett 05/28/08
Mmmmmm......size 13 feet....this is not good because I am trying to detox and I keep getting all of these visuals in my mind......and ariadne.....that is just not fair.....I don't know if I am able to handle the hotness!!!!
JWG 05/28/08
I'm not talking to you-know-who, since we're broken up and all and he's moved on to the may-she-fall-in-a-pit-of-vipers chick, but I'm still game for shots. Anything for you, Miss Scarlett (in the library with the candlestick) (you do know that's reference to the Clue game, right, or are you too young and I'm too old?).
Scarlett 05/28/08
Of course I know the reference JWG.....I am young....but not that young....anyway....the shot game is ready to go...and bardgal...I am thinking we should not have a time limit because if we are to play the game in the way you have mentioned, then we have to take our time!
AC 05/29/08
This is hillarious. Yeah. I agree. DC really need to stop bothering us. I'm trying to turn my attention to Harrison Ford and Sex In the City, neither of which is doing enough to help me. His Jay Leno interview was so damn cute.
Bitten 05/29/08
Welllllll, I HAD been Cookie-free for 5 days... until ariadne poured liquid crack in my morning coffee. You beech temptress, you! Dayum!!!
KCHDW 05/29/08
Ariadne
I am sure I have seen every single solitary interview and I never recall anyone asking his shoe size. Secondly, since a couple of pair curl up at the end like elf shoes, is he overshooting the size. Tee hee.
Did you see the interview on EW with M. Slezak. He looks great.
He can't get an album out fast enough.
Browneyes 06/19/08
I finally saw the picture in NY. YUMMMMMY!
wotcher 06/20/08
I JUST love how DC turns otherwise sane and coherent women into delusional drooling bloggers...including me (iloveitiloveitiloveit). You may want to be cured Scarlett, but I SAVOR being a DC addict.
You may want to check out People's list of Sexy and Single Bachelors of 2008. He's one of them (natch), and I am eternally grateful for that picture on their site. His stare is giving me chills! (the good kind)
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