J. and E. here for the two and half hours of the Idol Gives Back night. We hope we make it and aren't wishing Idol would give us back those hours of our life.

 "So You Think You Can Dance" dancers open the show with the Idols signing, "Please Don't Stop the Music."

E: It's like Fox-reality heaven right here. I am so excited right now.

Ryan Seacrest dances as they go off the stage.

J: Love it. He's so unashamedly self-deprecating.

J: A mi me gusta George Lopez. 

 E. and I just realized that we can't be our typical mean selves tonight, because it would be in poor taste to make fun of volunteers and people in need. Ah well, C'est la vie.

Cliche quote of the night #1 - "Be the Change You wish to see in the World."

Ben Stiller wants to raise a googillion dollars. Do it for the crazy the people, he says. 

Snoop Dogg is performing with a bunch of little football players.

E: I don't think Ryan introducing Snoop is something I ever wanted to hear.

E: Could you imagine being Snoop's kid?

J: He's probably high all the time, but doesn't understand what's going on.

J: Who beat up Kobe Bryant?

E: His wife, I mean I would if I was her. 

Paula talks about obese children.

E: Seems a little odd coming from someone who looks anorexic.

J: Paula actually says "per capita income" and it didn't sound ridiculous.

J: Okay, I've been seduced, I'll save the children.

Carrie Underwood, James Denton and Terri Hatcher do a skit, wait and now Terri Hatcher is going to sing.

E: Yep, she doesn't sound great. 

J: Hey, I don't think she sounds that bad. 

J: Look at that all-star back up band, Denton, Greg Grunberg, a.k.a. the guy from Heroes, and one of the bachelors.

 Jonas Brothers = Booo.  Billy Crystal = Woooo.

 Mily Cyrus= Double Boo.

Billy says she must have a lot of family in the audience due to the high pitched squealing that is ensuing. 

J: Talking about Monster, Inc. Can't go wrong there.

J: I want Simon to critique Miley. Can he please, please? Cause I don't see why she's so special.

J: Oh, I want to call and talk to David Cook or David Archuleta or Michael Johns.

So far Bono has the most emotionally poignant video package about the aids epidemic. 

Wait, I'm having Grammy deja vu. Fergie and John Legend.

J: I didn't love them together then and I don't love it now. Legend is wasted just at the piano, I want him to sing to. 

Heart is performing!

E: After their songs have been butchered all season we get to hear what they are supposed to sound like. 

 J: Why did Fergie have to come in and ruin this song? Her pants are awful.

E: Pleather leggings not a good look.

J: Ahhh! Make her stop crawling on the stage.

E: One-handed cartwheels in pleather plants.

J: I thought they were going to split in half. 

J: Boo Hiss Boo Hiss. I hate the Mannings! Mannings suck! I'd give money if Tom Brady told me too.

E: or Tony Romo.

 The Beckhams!

J: I am so fickle about the sports icons that I fancy. 

Wow. These poor kids who lost their parents. So sad. 

Annie Lennox is back from Africa to sing to us.  

J: I think all the Idols need to be taking notes from these pros about how to command a stage. 

Jimmy Kimmel comes to roast Simon Cowell.  Kimmel says Cowell's the reason we need to beef up border security. 

Kimmel also blames Simon's nipples for poking Paula in the eye.

"American Idol with out Simon Cowell would be like Christmas without the Grinch or  a picnic without the ants."

J: I love the softer side of Simon.

Carrie Underwood belts like only she can. 

.... 24 minutes later ...

J: So I apparently missed the Idols singing "Seasons of Love," Ellen Degeneres, Reese Witherson, Gloria Estefan with the "So You Think You Can Dance" crew and some other such things, but I was helping a friend who was feeling blue so I think it was worth it.

 J: Wait, I get back and Miley Cyrus is singing again. What! Why did I come back? 

E: And she has new clothes from Liberace's wardrobe as Billy would say.

The Russian Idol also looks like Liberace and sounds like Robin Williams. 

J: Why are we making fun of the Russians? It's probably the only culture they could poke fun of without inciting angry riots.

Bob sings.

Randy says "forcibly pitchy," Paula likes his shirt, Simon says it was brilliant.  

Bob grabs Simon's bum. 

J: Tyra Banks clearly has 30 seconds in her schedule to dominate the world to give this give back talk.

Brad Pitt pauses the home building to come on stage and have a microphone malfunction. 

Daughtry sings "What about now?" to children who don't know who they are.

 Mariah Carey sings "Fly Like a Bird" with Randy Jackson on the bass. 

E: She used to be amazing and now she just kind of fails.

D. (A guest commenter from next door): What you don't want to touch her body?

E. and J.: No. 

The Idol Gives Back ribbon is making us want some Sara Lee.

Oh what a tragedy the night is over. Aggh.  At least the show is helping people.

The Idols sing "Shout to the Lord" as the night comes to an end ... and we are off to Top Chef.

I wish that this 2.5 hour Idol fest meant the results night was half an hour, but sadly it does not.  Maybe we will see you tomorrow.