We open where we left off.  The Doctor is still smarting from Martha’s departure (and a quick visit from an earlier incarnation of himself that likes celery on his lapel), when he flips a switch and is jolted back from his thoughts by what seems to be the TARDIS crashing into something. Random bits of ice and debris fly everywhere, and we see the bow of a ship slicing its way into the TARDIS.  Much like last Christmas, when Ten is surprised by Donna in her wedding gown, he is flabbergasted exclaiming, “What! What?” A life preserver rolls toward him, and upon examining it he is more than a bit surprised to see the ship’s name “Titanic” emblazoned on it. 

This is the point the show ended last year after the Last of the Time Lords.  The earlier incarnation of the Doctor mentioned above is a reference to Time Crash, penned by the brilliant Steven Moffat and featuring Peter Davison back as Five.  If you have not seen it, go find it out there on the interweb.  Presented as part of last year’s Children in Need charity telethon on the BBC, it is a perfect blend of humor, poignancy, and fanwanking that any longtime Whovian would love. 

Back to the TARDIS, which is quickly repaired and vworps onto the aforementioned Titanic.  The Doctor makes his way around the ballroom area of the ship, which is then revealed to not be THE Titanic, but A Titanic in space that looks like THE Titanic, orbiting Sol 3, or Earth.  And it’s Christmas!  I wish we could get the Christmas specials at Christmas here in the US.  It really puts you in the right frame of mind for some of the Christmas Miracle sensibility of these episodes, rather than the cynical, just paid my taxes, it’s supposed to be spring but it snowed twice this week sort of attitude I have now.

New Theme!  It’s a bit drummier and rockier than last year.  It’s odd seeing Kylie Minogue’s name flying through the time vortex.  First we meet the crew, with the old mysterious up to something nefarious Captain and the young and fresh from training Midshipman Frame.  Apparently we are on a cruise ship of the Max Capricorn lines visiting Earth for a holiday jaunt.  Fleeting shot of Kylie in her waitress uniform as well as a jerk businessman, before the Doctor (now wearing a period tuxedo) asks the software challenged Heavenly Host robot where they are from. The robot reveals it to be a planet called Sto.

Due to jerk businessman, the Doctor meets Kylie, or Astrid Peth as she is called here (Note:  Russell T. Davies LOVES anagrams.  Astrid=TARDIS?).  Both are lonely travelers and kindred spirits, methinks!  Other folks we meet are cowboy-costumed competition winners Morvin & Foon, Mr. Copper the tour guide who knows a lot less of Earth than he claims, and alien Bannakaffalatta.  The Doctor sneaks Astrid onto the tour down to London which is now empty.  Evidently, Londoners are tired of their Doctor related annual Christmas alien attacks and make off to the countryside leaving the Royals and a not so random newspaper seller behind.

It seems the Captain is causing some meteors to move toward the ship and there are also power fluctuations in the engines.  The Doctor snoops around a bit and discovers that the shields are down, and confronts the Captain via intercom.  The Captain is none too pleased with this interference and pulls a gun shooting our poor midshipman while the ship’s passengers panic when the Doctor reveals the danger that is afoot.  In my favorite line of the episode, one of the Host robots informs jerk businessman, “Information: You are all going to die!”  After last season’s Blink, this show is really trying to give me a complex about Angels, isn’t it!

Due to a payoff deal with the unknown true villain by the Captain, the asteroids hit the ship like an iceberg, chaos ensues and now we’ve really gotten underway with the Towering Inferno/Poseidon Adventure storyline.

We lose the Red Shirt crewman right away in an airlock mishap, and we are left with jerk businessman whose name is revealed to be Rickston Slade, Bannakaffalatta, Morvin & Foon, Astrid, Mr. Copper and the Doctor.  He sees the TARDIS floating toward Earth out of reach, while learning from Frame that the ship and the Earth below are doomed, as per the rules of Christmastime.  The Doctor declares himself to be in charge, a Time Lord, 903 years old, and the guy that’s going to save the day.  That seems to be enough to convince the others to follow along on the quest to reach the Bridge.  Allons-y!

Along the way, we find out that Foon is in a lot of debt but Morvin still loves her anyway, Bannakaffalatta is a secret cyborg (a persecuted group on Sto), jerk businessman is indeed still a jerk, and the Hosts are murdering the remaining passengers. “Information:  Kill!” After a third fat joke in poor taste about Foon, the Doctor and Astrid get flirty before Mr. Copper rudely interrupts them with his tale of woe.  David Tennant and Kylie do have excellent chemistry!

The Doctor opens a hatch and now we have our “cross a wide chasm on an impossibly narrow beam” obstacle.  A railing collapses and we lose poor Morvin straight off!  Poor Foon!  Jerk businessman makes it across (boo!) as the rest make their way across the girder.  With the Hosts in chase, the group scurries across, only to learn that Angels have wings and attack people with their halos.  Bannakaffalatta’s cyborg-ness saves the day with an EMP, but it unfortunately shuts down his power.  Bannakaffalatta happy, but Bannakaffalatta dies. 

Oh no!  The Hosts reboot, and the Doctor tries to override the system with a security code, guessing random numbers (42!  Hee hee!), but “1” seems to do the trick.  Kind of like the air shield combo on Planet Druidia.  The Doctor only gets three questions, helping very little, and Foon selflessly sacrifices herself to save the rest from the Host, joining her husband over the deck below.  The Doctor gets back to being in charge, and Astrid invites herself along with the Doctor on the TARDIS “when this is all over”.  She is so totally doomed.

Eight minutes to save the ship, and the Doctor orders the group to continue on to the bridge.  He is headed off to figure out what mystery lies below on Deck 31, but before he leaves, Astrid plants a good one on him.  The kiss is framed with sparks flying, and actual real live electrical sparks, not just metaphorical ones.  Yeah, she’s doomed.

The Doctor gets trapped by the Hosts again, and gets “taken to their leader” on Deck 31.  Astrid saves jerk businessman (boo!) and Mr. Copper (yay!) and tries to convince Frame to transport her to the very same Deck 31.  Once again, doomed.  Meanwhile, the Doctor meets the real villain of the story:  Max Capricorn!  It appears that he is now cyborged below, with just his head remaining on a robot body.  The Doctor makes a bad joke about trying to “get a’head’ in business,” as he deduces that the 176 year old Capricorn is running the company and this ship into the ground for an insurance scam.

Capricorn does not take it well that the Doctor is trying to foil his cunning plan, and shuts down the engines himself.  The Doctor is at the mercy of the Hosts, when Astrid appears in some sort of forklift. While under attack from Host halos, she loses the brake line and plows Capricorn over the edge and down into the engine chasm below.  The Doctor tries to save her, but unable to stop the forklift, Astrid herself falls into the fiery depths.  No!  Not Kylie!

The music swells, the shots go slow motion, and the Doctor is in mourning for Astrid.  The ship, having lost its engines is falling to the Earth, putting us all in peril.  The Doctor is sad and angry, which you can tell by him walking in slow motion with flames behind him (see Runaway Bride, Family of Blood).  Now that Capricorn is dead, the Doctor can command the Hosts to lift him up to the Bridge.  He meets up with Frame, Alonso Frame.  The Doctor is pleased that he can now save the ship AND make a witty pun by saying “Allons-y Alonso!” This is exactly why I love the Doctor.

The Titanic is not just headed for Earth, but Buckingham Palace specifically. This does not bode well for the Queen who if you remember, has stayed behind in London to show her subjects that aliens won’t attack this year.  Boy was she wrong!  The Doctor saves the day just in the nick of time, getting heartfelt thanks from the Queen and the random newspaper selling man.  Merry Christmas!

Suddenly, the Doctor remembers that Astrid was teleported, and Mr. Copper confirms that the teleporter has a backup.  If only he can get to that backup and bring her back!  The Doctor fiddles with the controls, and Astrid reappears, only slightly and glowy.  She cannot be brought back completely.  Resigned to this, the Doctor kisses her, and lets her go so she can travel the stars being amongst them.  It’s all a bit overwrought, but totally in the best Doctor Who tradition.  It is (was) Christmas after all. 

Mr. Copper agrees to go back to Sto and to jail, while jerk businessman gets uncharacteristically grateful and thanks the Doctor.  Then he goes back to being a jerk when he realizes he just made a ton of money off this whole mess.    Frame salutes, and turns the ship back to Sto.  The Doctor gives Mr. Copper a reprieve by dropping him off to Earth to live out his days. The Doctor and Copper teleport on a snowy field in England where thankfully the TARDIS parked itself after the asteroid crashed into the Titanic.  Much like the snow of Doctor Who Christmases past, this isn’t real either, as it is actually ballast from the engines of the Titanic. Then, in his misunderstanding of Earth history, Mr. Copper wonders if Great Britain is next to Great France and Great Germany, but according to the Doctor “Only Britain is Great!”  But he has 1 million pounds on a credit card, and will be comfortable on Earth for sure.

After losing Rose to the Cyber-reality, letting Martha get on with her life, and losing Astrid so soon, the Doctor is in no mood for companionship right now.  As Mr. Copper promises not to forget her, Astrid floats through the sky in the stars, the Doctor enters the TARDIS, and vworps away.  Thus ends another Doctor Who Christmas special.  A fine adventure indeed. 

Up next:  Donna’s back!