No, not the horrible designing twins from ANTM that still haunt my dreams like a cuckolded girl scream from Shandi's boyfriend.  Of course, I mean the two Davids, who, barring the greatest upset of all time, will be going mano a gigantic head in next week's Idol finale.

Yep, Idol fans, sadly the improbable march of Ms. Mercado is likely to come to a screeching halt tomorrow night after a baffling personal choice song and a producer's choice song that can only be labeled as sabotage.  They not only threw her under the bus, they tied her to the exhaust pipe and drug her on one of those sled contraptions just like Keanu in Speed and then they released it and watched her careen over the cliff faster than Wiley Coyote.  Randy flat out congratulated her on being third, y'all.  And she had to take her little text message alone in the back of the limo with no one around to prop and pimp.  That's cold.  Was the Mayor of Tampa really all that busy?

Oh, and there was a show tonight.  A crappy one, but a show nonetheless.  Kiddies, it's tight on Season 7 when Top 3 performance night makes me long for the days of Diana Degarmo, Jasmine Trias and 'Tasia.  So without further ado, musings on the show.

Random Musings:

So the opening of the show was a skosh over the top, even for Ryan.  And they have got to stop dressing Syesha from the Dynasty/Diahann Carrol collection. 

Stage broken = show broken?  Discuss.

The day Simon hits Randy in the face when he's booing him will be a beautiful, beautiful day. 

How many Member's Only jackets does D'Archie have?  It's terrifying.

Round One - Judges' Picks

And So It Goes - D'Archie (Paula's choice)

OK, first mistake: D'Archie is waaaayyy to young for this song.  He was always going to totally miss the point.  Also, Paula cannot pronounce timbre.  Hee.  Damn, y'all.  This kid has a lovely instrument.  In a couple of years, he is going to be ridiculous.  He did much better with this than I expected.  And he remembered ALW's advice to keep his eyes open, which helped a lot.  It was beautifully sung.  But when isn't it?  Paula thinks D'Archie is a storyteller.  Paula needs to graduate from Golden Books.  Simon was right, as ever.  It was pretty and boring.  He hasn't known any thorny situations yet, so what could he really do with it?

Total side note: SYCYTD.  Yay!  These commercials are by far the highlight of the night.

If I Ain't Got You - Syesha (Randy's Choice)

Ugh, the daggone swayers.  If Syesha had just pulled out a machine gun and mown them all down, she'd have had my vote forever.  She has really gotten better and better and better in this competition.  I am stunned.  This was really beautiful and restrained.  And different enough that it was not a total copycat of Alicia Keys.  Y'all, I loved that.  That was wicked good.  She's still annoying as all get out.  Damn.  She's sooo fake.  Why?  If she took it down about 1000 notches, she'd be so much more enjoyable.

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face - D.Cook (Simon's Choice)

And he got some pre-song pimpage.  Why?  He is already the front runner, show.  Beautiful song.  And it was wasted on this idiot.  I still think I've heard quite a few karaoke performers who were his absolute equal (and many a one who was his better).  And he went sharp at the end there as soon as he tried to emo the hell out of it.  And you do not scream Roberta Flack.  "The first time ever I saw your face . . . I wanted to punch you in it."  Well, do I even need to say I hated it?  Let's move it along.

Round One totally went to Syesha.  She cleaned these fools' clocks.  Not that the show would ever admit that.

Round Two - Contestants' Picks

With You - D'Archie

OMG.  Knock me over with a feather.  D'Archie picked Chris Brown?  See what he does when he's unleashed from his dungeon master?  Without singing a note, this was already my favorite D'Archie performance ever.  Awww.  He can't dance at all.  Poor baby.  So cute.  He was tearing it up.  And having so much fun.  Awww.  I loved that.  He gets a little mini-EEEEE back.  Oh, hush Randy.  That was great.  Boo, judges.  Don't try to shove him back into his box.  But I will give Simon the dancing.  That was sad.  But the boy probably isn't allowed to even shuffle his feet at home, so what do you expect?

Fever - Syesha

I did not like this choice for her.  From the jump.  And has the girl met a sequin that she didn't like?  Why not just hand the judges a gold plated paddle with the word "Broadway/cabaret" on it and then assume the position so that they can tee off?  She also went off pitch there on the chorus.  And sharp on the shout-y parts.  As I suspected, I didn't like it at all.  It was cheese on toast.  Bad song choice.  Oh my heavens, Paula was on point with her critique.  And I knew Simon wouldn't be able to resist the "C" word.

Dare You to Move - D.Cook

This is just. So. D.Cook-ian.  This, y'all.  This is why I abhor everything about this fool.  He gets the chance to choose his own song from all the songs in the world (Okay, all the ones cleared by AI, but you get the point) and he chooses this?  You do not get to sing a Switchfoot song and then position yourself as the King of All Things Cred.  And he was off pitch again.  Some more.  I'm so, so tired of this fool.  I just would like for him to win already so I can get on with ignoring him and everything about him.

Round two is a total draw in the suckfest sweepstakes.  Borron y cuento nuevo.

Round Three - Producers' Picks

Longer - D'Archie

Why are the producers bought into making this 17 year old the king of Lite FM?  This is ludicrous.  Of course he can sing this and tear it up because he has an amazing voice.  But, dammit, he's not 50.  Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean?  He hasn't been alive long enough to sing this song.  It was beautiful.  He has a wonderous, pure voice and it's gorgeous.  But that song could not have been more wrong for him.  Period.  Thank you, Simon, for dropping a little knowledge.

Hit Me Up - Syesha

WTF, Producers?  This song choice was . . . inept would be kind.  It wasn't even a song.  It was a series of weird vocal tics with some glory notes thrown in.  How was that song supposed to do anything for her voice?  And why would it ever be something that she would make?  I suppose she sang it well, but . . . dude, what a stupid choice.  I guess the producers were trying to throw her under the bus.  Well, that oughta do it.

I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing - D.Cook

Well, double ****.  I hated it when Aerosmith crapped out this bloated turd of a song.  And I hated it even more tonight with D.Cook getting the violins on stage, MTV VMA treatment.  And once again, on the scream-y parts he strains his ridonkulously tiny voice and goes all sharp and then flat on the last "thing".  And oh for pity's sake, just give him the damn confetti shower already and get it over with. 

Round 3?  I'd call it a wash again, altlhough D.Cook, I guess, gave the illusion of excitement (and had more people on stage to distract from the manure he was spreading all over that stage) so I suppose he won.  Woohoo?

Top 2?

Well, it was always gonna be the two Davids and the produces made sure to hedge their bets tonight by making sure that there was a moment where Syesha would be forced to penguin walk on that stage tonight in a vain attempt to justify the ridculous song that they picked for her.  D'Archie had a really good night and he was in great voice.  And D.Cook has a mediocre voice at best, but people seem to like him, so there you go.  Bring on the Top 2.  I will wallow in my bitterness and take small comfort in the idea of D.Cook being forced to sing one of the AI songwriter ditties.  Ah, there are the good times.  Look for the silver lining, y'all.