Week 10 Critique

Ramiele - "Alone" by Heart. I am so over Ramiele. I've finally come to the realization that Ramiele is an ear tease. She is one of those girls that keeps on telling you how big her voice is and how good it is going to be and so you watch her every week and spend a ton of emotional energy on her because she is small and cute and bubbly and you know that the next time you see her, she is going to use that big voice and the long wait and the emotional energy spent on her will all be worth it. Then they announce she is singing Alone and you think "this is going to be the night where she finally pays off". You are going to finally hear the big note. And what happens? She hits the big note and it is majorily off tune. Not a little off tune mind you but so off tune that my dog (who was upstairs) begins to howl because her ears hurt. But, like most ear teases, she has an excuse. She's been sick. So you think "should I give her one more chance?" Maybe next week she will hit the big note. The answer is no. Next week, her dog will have eaten her lyrics or she will tell you that she likes you as an audience member, but not groupie. Sure, the off the shoulder thing was nice but, Ramiele, who ever told you to wear those shorts you should fire because they did you no favors, your song sucked and I am so over you. Find some one else to vote for you. I'm done.

Jason - "Fragile" by Sting. Jason, if you were going to be that detached, why not just video tape yourself doing the song and show that instead of even bothering to show up? Sure you are cute and have mystical eyes (I am told) but your voice is only OK, your personality is wearing thin and you are on a short leash. I see an Ace Young 7th place finish in your future.

Syesha - "If I Were Your Woman" by God only knows who. Has anyone but me seen that, slowly but surely, week by week, Syesha has been looking less Black and more Hispanic? She has been straightening her hair, wearing lighter colors and featuring her dad more than her mom on her video vignettes. Sure, it hasn't been a straight line or anything but clearly it has been happening. I believe her handlers are trying to take advantage of the exit of David Hernandez and offset the rise of Chikezie. But it is an error. African Americans have done much better on the show than Hispanics. Ruben won, Fantasia won, Justin Guarini finished second. There has pretty much been one African American in the top four every year. How many Hispanics? Any body? Any body? Bueller? Zippo! So, Syesha, once Chikezie is gone (and that shouldn't be more than a couple of weeks, if that), slowly slide yourself back into your Black Divaness away from your J Lo. By the way, your song rocked tonight, even though I have no idea who sang it. Good job. I'm pulling for you! I have you second in my pool.

Chikezie - "If Only For One Night" by Luthur Vandross. Dude, who dresses you? Doesn't AI pay for a stylist or something? The jacket was an abomination. Not just bad or anything, like illegal in eight well-dressed states. If they are watching this in the remote villages of Nigeria, even there they are probably saying "What's with the jacket dude?") Do me a favorite, call Danny Noriega and have him dress you. Second problem. I know you see yourself as the next Donny Hathaway and all but every time you have sung a ballad, you have pretty much blown. Every time you have shown some energy, no blowing. So grab a clue and don't sing ballads anymore. Please! You are not handsome, your voice is only OK, and it doesn't work for you. If you make it to next week, pay heed. Your chances are slimming by the moment.

Brooke - "Every Breath You Take" by the Police has anyone noticed that Brooke seems to think that she is the nanny to her entire fan base? Every time she gets bad feedback, she tells all of us that it is "OK" and that we should get offended by the way they are treating her. Brooke honey? I'm not hurt by your getting bad feedback. Not in the least. A couple other things. It is a good thing they let you play instruments because, how do I put this, in the old adage "I've got Music, I've got Rhythm, you are missing the second half of the equation, which is painfully obvious every time you get away from your guitar or piano. On the plus side, You has a decent voice and I like the way you interpret music when you sing but, unless you can write, you will always be a cute version of the piano bar singer you see at a good (not great) medium sized city restaurant. You'll ask her to sing your old standard favorite and you will enjoy it and give her a two or three dollar tip, but you won't pay twenty or thirty dollars to see her play a set at an arena.

Michael - "We Will Rock You" / "We Are The Champions" medley by Queen. Michael, it is about f---ing time. Finally we get to see you show off your awkward charisma and hotness. Next week will tell if you can sing anything other than Queen or Jim Morrison. If you can, you can be top two or three.

Carly - "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler. Carly, that wasn't so great. Rule of thumb, if you are going to Karaoke the song, you better be better than the original singer, which this wasn't. It was good and all, just not better than Bonnie's classic version. I'm afraid this may lead to the total eclipse of you career, my little blackbird. Take your broken wings and learn to work your way back to the Carly we loved. At least you didn't whine when you got trashed. However, it will be totally embarrassing if your go before Kristy Lee, which is a possibility after that. I hope not, but America doesn't seem to really like you or your tattoo friends. However, the one thing you have going for you is that, after the scare of last week and the lambasting you took, I think American might feel sorry for you and your fans will vote to keep you around, just to show 'em!

David A. - Hell, I don't know what he sang. Did anybody? It was god (small g) awful. All I know is that he's will not be taking Simon to his prom. But David is bulletproof (truly) until the top three. It doesn't matter what he sings. He could sing a song about his life as a crack addict and pedophile and his little girl fan base would still vote him through, and go with him to the prom. But it bothers me he was born the same year I graduated from business school. Not college. Business school. AHHHHHHHHH......

Kristy Lee Cook - "God Bless the USA" by Lee Greenwood. I have a new theory about KLC. Catholics all over America would told to give up voting her off the show for Lent. So the question remains, what will happen to her now that Easter is here. Second theory. The AI producers have cast her in the role of a horror movie where they torture her week after week with criticism and bad reviews and being the last of the two people not voted off (you know, kind of like Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween or any of the girls in Hostel II) but the question is just when she will get finally killed. However, it is so much fun to see her tortured and all that they want the suspense to go on for a lot longer. Anyway, the song was really like Miss Oregon singing in a beauty pageant. It was her best performance to date (but that isn't saying much) but here is my problem. This song was not meant to be sung third person. This is supposed to be a song talking about a man's patriotism for his country and how much he loves it and that he would do anything to see it endure. It doesn't hold quite the weight when you sing it in a way that you are telling other people to be patriotic, which is what she did. She also continued to do the horse bob thing with her singing style. How ironic would it be that she gets voted off on the one week she actually does OK? However, I think she might escape the bottom three this week.

David Cook - "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson. Dude. You were awesome tonight. With your little Flock of Seagulls like haircut thing and you mad interpretation of the gloved wonder (inspire by Paula's fabulous ensemble outfit I am sure). That was the best of the show to date. I may even lose my bet to my wife with that performance because people will actually buy that little ditty on I-tunes because it was fab. But don't peek too early or America will turn on you like you were David Archuletta.

Predictions:

Bottom Three: Chikieze, the phone-it-in artist Jason Castro and the little tease Ramiele. I think that The Cheese Man will finally go home. But smile Chikieze, you managed to last a month longer than you should have, frankly and you can take solace that you are the highest placing Nigerian Idol they have ever had. Good Work!