The Top 5: Elimination | American Idol S:7 E:36
Bitten Says: No Country for Sexy David Cook
By Bitten , 04/30/2008, 45 Comments
Well, it’s official. The David Cook fan cra-zees have begun to move in. Freaky does luv company, don’t she Ladies? Woo Hoo! Oh, b4 I forget, gotta give a shout-out to those less-corrupted fan cra-zees over on the AI Forums. Yeah, girls, I stopped by to see what was going on today after a friend told me there was a little sumpin-sumpin about a “Sugah” Cookie and one of my earlier posts…? Sorry I didn’t leave my calling card but, well, let’s be honest…. I’m short on substance and long on potty mouth, and I’m pretty sure I might just spontaneously combust over there. They'd be bleepin and deleting me all over the place, just might bring the whole site crashing down. But hey, here’s throwing some luv your way nonetheless! Please do drop in anytime you feel like slummin it. Bottoms up, Ladies!
American Idol Top 5 Elimination Round
Douchecrest kicks us off!
So…. Paula fu@ked up, Simon wants to hook up. Blah, blah, blah. Kisses all around.
Jason Castro – America loves ya, pass the doobie, you’re SAFE! Now, go plant your stoner ass on the sofa, Dreads!
David Archuleta – the Embryo has implanted itself in the uterus, it ain’t goin nowhere for 9 Freakin Long Months!!! DAMN! Die, Lollipop Fu@ker, Die!!!
Down to DC, SM & BW. Yeah, I’m gonna go ahead and call this one – the Weepy Nun is finally going home. Hmmmm, will they make her sing BOTH songs or just one? Awww, I hope they make her sing the one that she sucked ass at. Just for grins.
Commercial for SYTYCD – speaking of freak shows… How do these guys do this shiz and not blow a sphincter? Yeah, that is gonna leave a mark…
Randy models his Coke cup – oddly enough, it’s shaped like…. Randy.
On your feet ladies, David Cook FRONT & CENTER. And he is………SAFE!!!!! SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX. SEX. SEX. Sorry, just felt the need. Hmmm, this flaming-hot crush is morphing into…. Tourette’s Syndrome???? Anyhoo, all better now. David, baby, what’s goin on with the hair? Ya know, we were waxing kinda normal there for a while, but me thinks we’re now heading towards a new confection, perhaps of the EMO-hawk variety? Naw, naw, naw, not a good look for you, darlin. On second thought, it could work wonders to dampen this cra-zee hot crush I’ve been sportin. Hmmmm….. Actually, did I mention I’m a HUGE fan of the Javier Bardem hair from “No Country for Old Men”? Ooooh, sexy. Oh, yeah, YOU, ME, a BOWL and a pair of SCISSORS. Hot, baby, molten lava HOT!!! Grrrrr...
Damn, sometimes I even crack myself up. *Composure*
Syesha, let’s just not speak, ‘kay? Nope, shhh! Talk to the hand, talk to the hand. Awkward with a capital AWK.
Ryan: “Brooke, another inconsistent outing for you… you sucked at first, then turned it around. What was going on?" “ Well, here’s the thing, Douchecrest…. Ooh, Can I call you that? I’m not used to sayin bad words. Hmmm…. Mr. Douchecrest. That’s better. Well, I was just a big ole bundle of nerves for that first performance and well, I just needed a hug and a good cry. Anyway, between songs, I was balling my eyes out and that nice gal Bitten showed up – remember her from last week? Yeah, right? She’s the one that plied me with alcohol and made me watch that naughty movie “9 ½ weeks”? Anyway, Bitten gave me a good head-butt and threatened to make me watch this OTHER movie called “Wild Things”. Curiosity almost got the better of me (I have to admit I kinda liked "9 ½ weeks"), until I found out there was a lil bit of girl-on-girl action. My Eyes, My Eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyhoo, I decided to straighten up and fly right. So, I threw back a shot of tequila, sat my happy ass down at the piano, and the rest is history. Thank You, Bitten!!!"
Aw, shucks girl, anytime.
Who’s going home? Yep, I called it!!! Brooke! Awwwww, Thank You God. Seriously, sweet gal, but wearing me out between her Bambi-ass innocence, the false starts and the overall mental malaise. God luv her. G’bye Nun!!! And somebody please get her a year’s subscription to the Naughty Movie of the Month Club, Kay?
Later y’all!
You’ve Been Bitten!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yah, gettin my MoJo back!!!!
Alright, tee her up! That other post was getting too damn long anyway. If this is your first time thru, make sure you check out Bitten's Blog... the insanity continues.
Comments
palais 05/01/08
I'm still watching it here. That medley is awful.
Didn't realize that someone might find Anton Chigurh hair sexy, but Javier Bardem can make anything work. mmmmm, another hot guy.
Bitten, stop tempting me.
And what are we going to do without Brooke to corrupt?
I want Squinty to go next week. I've been harping on SySy for weeks, but I really hate Squinty now. Seriously, postal
Guitar Hero 05/01/08
Oh, Bitten,... "You, Me a Bowl and a Pair of Scissors" ... Need I say more? Girl, you are just not right... and it is sooo part of your charm.
Bitten 05/01/08
Ahhhhh, Anton Chigurh! Is that just not the fugliest hair you've ever seen? Gotta say, I LOVED that movie, every gory, violent detail. LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Collin Kelley 05/01/08
So long Weeping Nun. You've got a lock on the Cookaloonies, baby. Ride that train to glory.
ariadne 05/01/08
You're my new favourite read, Bitten. I'm laughing so hard here tears are rolling down my face, the cats are upset and I'm having very naughty visions involving Mr. Cook and well...dream on! (Oooh, wouldn't we just LOVE to hear David sing Aerosmith? Or AC/DC? I'm thunderstruck at the thoughts.
palais 05/01/08
Bitten, I loved that movie, too.
And it was the fugliest hair ever.
Bitten 05/01/08
Aw, thanks, ariadne. Gurl, I don't even want to see that song list. I'm thinkin there's just one big Ole Gasm after another and, well, girl's gotta pace herself, ya know? Gotta save something for under the Christmas tree, right?
Bitten 05/01/08
Is AC/DC on the list? How about some Big Balls for our resident rocker? I just might be back in black...
DavidCookIsMine 05/01/08
Bitten is such a **** good writer that I can't even try to give her a run for her money. Thanks to her, I have been dreaming of pouring sugar on David Cook all day today and got NOTHING done, and it's a slow real estate market already! Damn, let me have my love in with the guy and get it freaking over with. Then there's the bit about my husband -- he laughs nervously at the crush, and he's hot himself -- but red hot suns David has got me out of my mind.
DavidCookIsMine 05/01/08
I read at David-Cook.org a very X-rated online fantasy scenario in graphic language that another DC junkie posted for us all to read and mind you, it was graphic. Dang, I thought it was a bit much. We don't want pictures in our mind of her doing nasty things with our boyfriend. By the way, husband says next week is Rock and Roll week...how does he know? If so, I am hoping for David my lover to sing something like Going to California by Led Zeppelin or Let's Go Crazy by Prince (hat's for my personal meltdown in HD). Rocccccccccking!
DavidCookIsMine 05/01/08
Your comment
palais 05/01/08
Yes, Bitten, darling, AC/DC is on the list. I just skimmed it, because it's a long list. But I start delving into it in about two hours time, since I need to figure out what will most likely not be cleared and what would most likely be destroyed by Squinty.
Cook Me! 05/01/08
Why? Why? Why? Delectible David had to have been strongly sedated to get throught that pukey Diamond group medly...he could hardly sit up straight on the velvet couch...he was still woosy! Fox, don't you be forcing our sexy rocker to sing such unnatural CRAP...
IT'S JUST WRONG...
Now, C'mon, David...turn the volume WAY up for Rock nite!!!
Don't let them allow your dear Mom and seemingly your Aunties and High School teachers into the arena... This show I know will be Too Hot to be rated...
Unleash yourself, Reach down deep into the throbbing passion of your soul, and rock your sexy side...
You teased us with a peek ay your belly (oh, yes!)
on the last guitar strum of Day Tripper...so, how about giving us Cookfreaks much, much more...
I know you will!
Bitten 05/01/08
"Throbbing passion of your soul"? Oh.... girl got it SO bad! :) I'm wid ya Cook Me!
palais 05/01/08
I just came back from that Hall Of Fame Song List, and I'm kinda all hot and bothered by the possibilities.
I'm going to post a blog about it soon.
DCismyBF 05/01/08
It is shameful really, but this forum has given me and my Dark Side a place to belong. I'm 34 years old, happily married with 3 kids... and my whole family knows I have an inappropriate, raging, having-naughty-thoughts, lunatic crush on Sexy Mr. Cook!! (OK, maybe they don't know about the naughty thoughts part, that would be weird...)
But a big Thank You to Bitten and the rest of the slobbering CookLovers, because now I know I'm not crazy and not alone.
But seriously... how does life get back to normal?? And the "word nerd" thing... HUGE turn-on!! I LOVE a sexy man with a great vocabulary! He's smokin' hot AND intelligent! Wow... I've got it BAD.
palais 05/01/08
DCismyBF, you are now in a safe place. I'm also a (divorced) mom of three, and really, they don't need to know about the graphic thoughts I have about Sexy at all. That's what you all are for.
I'm a Word Nerd, too, so yes, it's hot. And I agree with all the rest of the stuff you said, too.
Debbie 05/01/08
Your comment
seahawks08 05/01/08
I guess you all like men who look unbathed and ungroomed because that is what David C. looks like to me. He is the same rocker every week with no versality. Don't like either Davids but I would vote for little David before David C.
seahawks08 05/01/08
I guess you all like men who look unbathed and ungroomed because that is what David C. looks like and he has no versality and is the same every week to me . boring.
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