The Top 4: Live | American Idol S:7 E:37
Rawk Me, David Cook! Grrr
By Bitten , 05/06/2008, 30 Comments
Well, we’re down to the American Idol Final Four and it’s the Rawk Hall of Fame Night!!! Woo Hoo!! We creepy psycho stalkers adoring fans over on Bitten’s Blog have been waiting all week for a little “Audio Crack” so fire her up! Yep, I am absolutely giddy with anticipation… and a little bit nervous. Afterall, you know who you make an “Ass” of whenever you ass-ume, and it appears to be a foregone conclusion that our resident rocker will steal the show. Hmmmm… Careful Sexy… {chews nails, wrings hands}… Oh, Baby…Shake it, but don’t break it… cuz you know I just can’t take it!
Oh and Sexy, can I have a word? There is one thing that I’ve been meaning to ask, but have been too embarrassed to utter the words… Can I just whisper it in your ear? That’s right…. LLLiiiiiiiiccccckkkkkkkk! Dayummm, I’ve been dying to do that… Mmmmm, tastes like sugar.
So, there I go humiliating myself again… Ridicurous. Must get life. Two more weeks of this insanity, and I AM BREAKING UP WITH YOU, David Cook! I mean it this time, truly I do!
In the meantime, let’s get down to business:
David Cook – fsdfowey4rq235jr;sdlifuqw345lhk…. Yeah, well, that’s what happens when slobber meets keyboard. It ain’t pretty. My drool for Sexy is beginning to take on a life of its own. Let’s try this again. (1) “Hungry Like the Wolf” – Sexy is going to stand this song on its head a little bit. You can stand me on my head a little bit, darlin. Grrrr… Judges thought it was “okay” to get you thru. I thought you looked extra sexy in that red shirt. And I really hope you’re breakin out the Les Paul for the next number, or I might have to lose a little r-e-s-p-e-c-t. Yeah, even YOU know that wasn’t your best, donchoo? (2) “Baba O’Reilly”—AKA Teenage Wasteland; Trio loved it… “Welcome Back, David Cook!” Yah, and as I’ve said before, you could sing Smelly Cat and I’d still be rolling out the Welcome Mat-tress. Well, at least for the next two weeks, anyway… at which point I will then drop you like yesterday’s Stinky Trou. I’m fickle like that, baby… plus, this little obsession has gotta stop. But for the next two weeks, you've got my undying devotion… promise.
Syesha Mercado – (1) “Proud Mary” – gurl slows it down a notch, and… somebody give that girl a POLE!!! Lawd! Cranky’s not having any of it, calling her a poor man’s “Shrieky Tina”. (2) “Change is Gonna Come” -- Awww, Paula and Cranky luv’d it. And Sy is slobberin like a baby…. Oh no. please don’t do the baby cry….
Jason Castro – (1) “I Shot the Sheriff” -- Um, Shamalamadingdong, what the hell was dat?! Yeah, dude said he’s ready to go home, so let’s pack him a lunch, shall we? Cranky: Utterly Atrocious! Massacre! Honestleeee, what were you thinking? Jason: “I’m thinkin I’m fu@kin HIGH!!! And I want a cheeseburger!” Dude, I’ll get you that cheeseburger if you’ll get me those three minutes back, ‘Kay? No? Okay, I’ll settle for some of your stash… cuz any weed that allows you to embarrass yourself like that and still show up for Round 2 is some goooood sheeeet. (2) “Mr. Tambourine Man” – a good folk song, certainly in Bong Water’s wheelhouse. Maybe I just don’t do “stoner” folk, because I think I just nodded off a little… Cranky: Pack your suitcase. Yah, Dude. Whoa.
David Archuletta – (1) “Stand By Me” – my new BFF Palais calls him “Squinty” and, rightfully so. Hey, Palais, whachoo doin girl? Wanna sit together so we can giggle and make fun of the Lil Cuss? Yeah, he bores the shiz outta me, too. Hey, Palais… “P**nt**g”! Tee hee hee hee!…. Oh, …YAWN. Whadaya wanna bet that the Trio are going to cream at his feet and praise Allah? Oh, lemme guess, Randy, “Dawg, Check It Out”… Oh, Cranky, kiss my ass, best performance so far? Naw, I dare they say they’ve ALL been equally mediocre! Well, except for Bong Water, and his just sucked ass to the nth power. DUDE! (2) “Love Me Tender”. Randy Luv’d how he was so tender and caressed each word… Cranky: The Embryo CRUSHED the competition! Gawd, I just don’t have the strength or the energy to even argue any more...I’ve simply resigned myself that Squinty will be squinting & squirting his way thru to the Finale. *Sigh*
Alright, that’s all I got.
Hold Up, David Cook wants a word with me. Wha… you’re dying to know what I really wanted to know but was too embarrassed to ask? Yah, like I’m going to be able to resist that crooked grin and those come hither bedroom eyes….*melt*…. Well….. if you must know…. {plays coy}…. what I REALLLLLLLLY wanted to know………{twirls hair in fingers}…… but was too embarrassed to ask is….… “How much wood could David Cook chuck if David Cook could chuck wood? “
Doesn’t everybody want to know that?
Admit it Sexy… you’ll miss me when I’m gone. Kiss, kiss.
Later y’all!
You’ve Been Bitten!
Comments
Collin Kelley 05/06/08
Jason was so bad it was like he was doing it on purpose. Rose suggested on the blogs that he's throwing the performances...she might be right.
JWG 05/06/08
My mascara is running into my eyes, girl, I am laughing so hard. Please don't ever change.
He's simply the most sexy creature on the earth. No arguments there.
Bitten 05/06/08
Pure, raw unadulterated SEX. Grrrrrr
ariadne 05/06/08
Yup, he's perfection. So is your recap. I've laughed so hard tears are rolling down my face, but avoiding my laptop, happily. ...I'm feeling much better now (and Gizmo appears to be working for me, i'm getting the nice man thanking me, sometimes) so I'm helping out from up here in the land of the frozen chosen! Do I get to lick his ear too, Bitten, please?
Scarlett 05/06/08
Oh Bitten.....that was great
I don't know how he does it but the man gets hotter and hotter every week!
Bitten 05/06/08
I can't remember who said it, but I like the "let's clone him and everybody gets a Cookie..."
JWG 05/06/08
they're a lot more lenient w/ us over here--censors took out the first four comments we left under collins recap. Yikes.
JWG 05/06/08
Oh, and yah--and i've already had time to watch DC's performs two or three times again. know what? I don't think he's EVER looked better than tonight.
Bitten 05/06/08
JWG -- no, actually, we left our comments at his Blog instead of the Recap. The ones at the blog are still there. *Relief* Cuz the minute they start censoring & bleeping & deleting me, I'm outta here! And I'm taking my peeps wid me! :)
Scarlett 05/06/08
Wooo......ok I am back from my continious watching of David's performances.....I am on my second glass of wine and I am feeling good.
I have to agree that our man looks mighty fine tonight......I am all red and flushed just thinking about him.....well it could also be the wine......no I am sure it is mostly him......yum!
shameless 05/06/08
hahahaha "how much wood could david cook chuck..." *dirty thoughts* hahahaha. wow. yep. he's hot. and bitten: you are just too much, girl. someone get me a cookie!
Bitten 05/06/08
Cookies & Creme, Gurl, Cookies & Creme
Collin Kelley 05/07/08
Ladies, I would suggest that you not keep asking how much wood could David Cook chuck, because where I come from chucking...ummm...."wood" means I'd be the lucky beaver.
Scarlett 05/07/08
mmmmm cookies and creme.......the thought of that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside......oh boy....dirty thoughts, dirty thoughts!
Bitten 05/07/08
Touche, Collin! Hah, hah, hah... you crack me up, dahlin.
palais 05/07/08
Poontang and Squinty.
Luv ya, gurl!
Nice to know I wasn't the only one sleeping through Squinty's songs.
Cook Me! 05/07/08
Please hep me !!! I'm in bad, bad trouble....Do any of my discerning and awesome ladies have the number in your purse of the David Cook Rehab?
I can't make it another two weeks...After last night's yummy two course meal of the juicy DC Sizzler...I spiraled out of control into a Cook induced bender of our tempting man's photo slide shows...sexy video downloads...all cook...all night...You know what I'm sayin??
I woke up this mornin' in the backyard...Ipod stuck in a death grip in my hand...headphones down around my ankles...dizzy and disoriented...Cook-sexy images, swimming in my head...I was jonsin' for another fix...
Please, my sisters...my life is Cooking out of control...I'm about to lose my job, my car...and they're threatening to take my dog away!!!
lookin' back...was the Cook worship worth it???
Ummm....oh yes!....but please....send me that phone number asap!
JWG 05/07/08
morning gals,
sorry I bailed on you last night--I was so exhausted from anticipating DC all day, I had to go to bed. but, woke up this a.m. w/ baba and DC running through my head. DANG--I'm still not fixed. Cook Me--sorry, sis, you're just gonna have to run with it for a little while longer. It's okay, honey--we're all with you.
Maybe he didn't sing his best last night, but he LOOKED his best. Ever. Ever. ARRGH.
Bitten 05/07/08
Oh, Cook Me... somebody's been holdin out on us. That was some funny, funny ****. "headphones down around my ankles"... Priceless. Welcome aboard Bitten's Gutter Express.
palais 05/07/08
I still got Baba in my head, too. I hope that's the one he recorded for I Tunes.
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