I Don't Want to Miss One...David Cook

Shameful confession #1...for the last three weeks I have set my clock radio to Seacrest's LA radio morning show just for the crumbs of Idol he spews.  After waking up angry for three days in a row from the jackhammering passing as music  I realized that I am indeed old and that KIIS has a playlist of about 11 songs total.  Still I left it on...

S hameful confession #2...the power of suggestion is alive and well and quite effective.  I have now actually downloaded 5 of the songs on the 11 song playlist, including Chris Brown in all his My Boo glory.  But my favorite is really Usher's "Love in This Club".  Let's all say a little prayer that the Embryo never, ever, ever sings this song.  I might be damaged for life.

I was looking forward to this week's performances a tad more than was really healthy.  Rock 'n' Roll HOF week was just so Bud Lite (the less filling version) it did nothing to slake my raging thirst for the next great moment.  Ok, lest I try to pass myself off as an objective observor...I mean the next great DAVID COOK moment.  Yes, he had me at "Hello."  Well, actually he had me at "juxtapose," which also happened to be around the same time he backtalked to Simon (**gasp**) and lived to tell about it.  He may have had bad-hair-from-hell and the attrocious soul patch, but no shortage of testosterone!  

 But I digress...I'm all about the spoilers, and immediately downloaded "The World I Know" which I hadn't thought about in more than 10 years but which has an aggravatingly catchy chorus.  Also kept catching myself daydreaming..."the first time ever I kissed your lips"...oh yeah..."the first time ever I lay with you"...he can't really say that on AI can he?  You get the picture.

So here we are.  A high school student.  An actress.  A barrrrtender.  And a rooster.  Wouldn't Ryan look so much better with different hair?  Maybe some Josh Holloway locks?  I'm not a hater...I love me some Seacrest...but he wonders why everyone thinks he's gay...he ain't helping the cause.

OK let's get down to it.  Paula is looking quite attractive tonight.  And lucid.  I think she was scared straight.  Does anyone besides me think that the Fetus (Embryo...Fetus...Squinty...none my idea but all equally appropriate) has a totally strange lower body shape?  He almost looks like a bow-legged woman...it's the thighgap thing.  Just weirds me out.  Syesha is wearing her grandma's prom dress.  But her hair looks good.  My boy is looking quite natty...the hair has found a happy middle ground between freshly shorn Little Sparrow and  the fey bangs-swinging-over-the-eyes of Neil Diamond week.

Fetus:  OK I found something worse than the soul patch....how did the mayor ever get elected to public office?  We're not in Hollywood anymore, Toto.   "And So It Goes."  When I listened to Billy Joel sing this on youtube I thought it was kinda monotone and boring, but I'm really liking this.  Voice is clear and he's hitting all the notes.  Like this better than Billy's version.  Might even download it.  Uh-oh...the kid is in it to win it!  Who said that?  I agree with Simon it was predictable, but it wasn't boring, and the kid usually bores me.

Screechy:  "If I Ain't Got You"...this has to be the #1 karaoke song right now.  Every girl I know who can kinda carry a tune picks this one.  That pretty much sums it up.  Did anyone else think she almost screwed up the lyric on the first couple notes?  But she's no Brooke White...that's why she made it to the Top 3.

Hotness:  Is that a touch of malaise I notice from DC as the rooster talks to Simon?  Please don't tell me the RNRHOF bad day has turned into a week.  He looks like he might barf.  Oh well, Simon seems chipper enough for both of them.  And what is up with the neck stretches?  Off camera, pleeeez.  I'm really trying to get in the mood for "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face."  There's a grin...now I'm melting.  Ok, liking this MUCH.  Singing it straight, but with a little rocker...totally looking sexily into the camera.  And the three escalating high notes at the end...he nailed it!  WTF is up with Randy?  Obviously all pissy at Simon, but very unprofessionally taking it out on Hotness.  NOT cool, dawg.  What's this...Paula is the voice of reason?  Hmmm...maybe she's not the judge who needs to be worried about her job next season.  Haha...Cook and Cowell!  How far we have come from "I don't think I need someone to explain the rules of the show to me."

Embryo:  the aforementioned my boo.."With You."  This is just not right.  Must go to iTunes immediately and wash my brain of this by listening to Chris Brown.  One flubbed line.  Judges...appreciate the thought, but...no. Chihuahua...tiger...agreed.

Syscreecha:  "Fever"...ok she's obviously going home after that.  Next.

Manly:  oww we have changed.  His arms are looking kind of ...big.  Chubby or muscular?  I'm going with muscular.  No Collective Soul...I'm sad.  So we get "Dare You to Move."  Never heard it.  Bit concerned Switchfoot is kind of a Christian band...pleez tell me you ain't got religion - the things I'm thinking about you don't mix with church, baby.  Starts off monotone.  Chorus is ok.  Just ok for me - again I agree with Paula about premature cutoff.  Randy-pitchy of course.

Fetus:  "Longer".  Love me some late great Dan F.  Not loving this.  This sounds like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir when the song needs life experience.  Randy - phone book AGAIN.  Didn't his "hot" comment seem forced?  Wrong song, all agreed.

SyNOsha:  What is this song?  The producers definitely want her to lose.  Gotta admire she keeps the smile on her face.

Sexy: "Don't Want to Miss a Thing"...yes!  Best look yet..jacket, hair all kicking.  Surrounded by strings and purple light.  New meaning to pimp spot.  He brought the house down.  Randy...WTF...OK for me??  Ok, someone call the cops...Jeff Archuleta has kidnapped Randy's wife and is threatening her life unless Randy says something negative about David Cook because there is no other WAY IN HELL that review makes sense.  That's ok, because David is bigger than Randy now.

David Cook wins the night!  You know it!  Now if I can just get him to sing "Love In This Club"...