Dancing With The Stars - Week 6

Allrighty then,

So yeah, I took a break last week and blew off Week 5. Blame an evening of incredibly safe dances (none of them super sucked and none of them were super great), blame the IRS asshats for creating the most convoluted forms on the planet to fill out, blame the lack of even halfway decent shtick that I couldn't come up with, blame Canada, or you can even blame it on the rain. Just whatever you do, don't put the blame on you (insert stripped Grammy here).

Anyhow, so last week saw come to fruition what I thought would take a couple of weeks longer...V for Priscilla in her Guy Fawkes mask couldn't stop the Express Train of Rejection from running her crazy Scientology ass over even with the combined might of Operating Thetans and her mythical Presley Power, and she got voted off. In case you're keeping score...Dianetics: 0, Suppressive Persons: 1.

Now on to this week's performances. And because I'm feeling extra punchy tonight...kickin' it limerick-style. Huzzah!

DANCES:

Jason Taylor / Edyta Sliwinska (Cha Cha Cha)

Body Hottie's dress was half pretty

She can't wear it on the streets of the city

The bottom half looked weird

Since in effect it disappeared

But I swear I saw some well groomed kitty.

One liner:  Sketchy arms for Jason, some off-time footwork, and some super impressive pelvic movements from Edyta. Tito needs a tissue.

Shannon Elizabeth / Derek Hough (Rumba)

Nadia's long legs are quite yummy

Too bad Mormon Boy can't tap that...pretty crummy

But how the judges did heckle

Guess Nadia shoulda thrown in a fleckle

Though by lacking hip action she's a dummy.

One liner:  Puke dress, great long legs, great heat and chemistry, aforementioned hip action was lacking, and we almost saw tears as the judges bludgeoned her.

Marlee Matlin / Dirty Sanchez (Mambo)

A surprise visit from the Fonzie fellow

"Focus on the now!" he said with a bellow

She's become one smokin' hot mommy

Too bad her mambo was a bomb-y

And the judges really harshed on her mellow.

One liner:  Rowr!! I want to geshmoygady her gerflavity with my googus. Too slow, timing errors, and she looked uncomfortable in her own skin.

Cristian de la Inigo Montoya you killed my father prepare to die / Cheryl Burke (Foxtrot)

Cheryl's dress was far less than smashing

Yet couldn't stop Cristian's moves...very dashing

So with a performance like that

Someone else will wear the ass hat

In the bottom two with mirror ball trophy dreams crashing.

One liner:  Even though Cheryl's dress looked like what happens when Big Bird gets drunk off Boone's and bangs one of Zsa Zsa Gabor's evening robes, Mr. Telenovela did a very respectable job.

Marissa Jaret Winokur / Tony Dovolani (Viennese Waltz)

Toothy McGrinsalot is coming alive

Dancing a good waltz she's queen of the hive

Although her dancing kinda rocks

She's really gotta tame the friggin' locks

Girlfriend has gots to get her some hot V-05.

One liner:  All hair and grins, Marissa busted out a very respectable waltz. But just to be clear:  she still annoys the holy hell out of me.

Kristi Yama-bot / Mark Ballas (Jive)

Sigh...the perfect scores have now begun

As the Yama-bot furthers her run

She performs without a care

Proof that SkyNet has become aware

She'll terminate all the suckas and be the last one.

One liner:  She nailed the jive like Colin Farrell mowing through co-eds during sorority rush. Except without the chlamydia part.

Mario / Karina Smirnoff (Rumba)

The ballroom was gettin' all smoggy

As steam rose off the couple all foggy

A finger wave from Crankypants

Said it's too raunchy of a dance

You just KNOW M & K are gonna be doin' it doggy.

One liner:  He should just knock that down now and get it over with so we can move on. A good dance, and they got busted for a lift. And Atlas shrugged.

Group Dance

The all-star group dance did depress

It was all over the place I assess

What's needed at this junction

Is a wardrobe malfunction

To save this fierce tranny hot mess.

PREDICTION:

Hottie Marlee Matlin may be done

Her dance this week lacked a homerun

But if it ain't her it's Shannon

Who'll be shot out of a cannon

Although in either oven I would gladly put a bun.