A slap in the face

  Lynette put Bree's situation into a perspective I'd never really thought about before. She called her the "greatest mom ever." This was after Mrs. Hodge came forward to her best friends about the big secret she'd been keeping for most of this season. Bree came clean about the entire baby charade, the fake pregnancy, her daughter, everything. This was my favorite moment on the show for several reasons:

1. I always love to see my housewives hanging out together.
2. Bree's honesty to them reminds us how close they all really are; there are no secrets between friends.
3. It shows us that Bree has changed a lot from her earlier days. Lying can be an exhausting snowball, picking up speed and momentum as it rolls downhill, never stopping until it pulverizes something. Whew! Was that a bit much? Am I harboring a deep dark secret of my own that I need to get off my chest?

No! Don't be ridiculous!....heh...heh...(looks around uncomfortably)

Anyway, as the situation goes, Bree is being blackmailed by Edie, who found out all about the baby conspiracy when she found Orson's notes laid out on the coffee table. A pretty contrived plot device, but Orson only did it because Bree was threatening to take Benjamin away from him. She's still ticked about his kiss with Edie. It may have all had to go to court.

           

So Edie approaches Bree with an ultimatum: Treat me nice and bake me muffins whenever I want or I go to the cops. Yep. That doesn't sound so bad in written words, but there was a way Nichollette Sheridan said it that sounded so sinister. This seemed a fate worse than death for the former Mrs. Vandecamp. Who was also slapped with the realization that Edie is Ben's great Aunt. Hey-oh!

Bree tells her girls about the situation, and that brings me back to the best mom ever bit. I've always looked at that baby scheme as another wacky bit of Wysteria Lane business. But now that I think about it, Bree really did go above and beyond for the sake of her family. It make's Edie pettiness all the more frustrating for everyone, so they decided to do something about it...

 

In what will probably be one of the most iconic scenes in DH ever, the fab four power-walked right down Wysteria Lane to confront the neighborhood bitch. And they cut her off completely. I'm no woman, but I'm assuming this is the worst thing a clique of girls can do to one of their own. I was reminded of high school factions or a sorority denunciation when I witnessed this scene, reverting almost, to childish pettiness. I almost felt bad for Edie. But these ladies, really meant business in a way I'd never seen before. It was actually kinda sexy.

 

Lynette slapped Kayla. No exclamation point because this is no surprise. The kid is a demon seed and Lynette doesn't like her. She's been really trying as a mom, including taking her out shopping this week, for some bonding, but the child is too evil. I'm sure we all would have done the same thing if we heard her say what she did. Lynette is in a really tough situation with that brat and Tom. Kayla called the family shrink and advocated prior abuse. I'm getting the feeling the family will find a way to get rid of her by season's end. She's just too evil.

 

Mike's mother was in town, and she did nothing but put Susan down. She can't cook, she can't clean, she's a klutz, and so forth. Figurative slaps in the face. Pregnant or not, no one likes to be reminded how inadequate they are at things. Except in the bedroom. (Man, Mike really tells his mom everything. Ew.) So Suzie fakes her labor at the restaurant, rushes outside and asks Mike, "Wanna go to a movie?" Terri Hatcher's adorable.  Why is it all the mother-in-laws on this show, even the sweet ones, turn out to be obnoxious? Later on, Susan has the real baby. Awww.

 

Gaby has become really close with their houseguest (Family Ties! Arg, that's been bugging me all week!) and can't find the stomach to turn her in for dealing cocaine. It would be a slap in the face to kick her out after all the good she's done around the house. But Carlos insists because he's still on probation, but the police need them to play host just a little bit longer, until they catch her supplier.

 

That new chick: as Gary Cole and Dumb Dylan grow closer, Katherine knows her ex-husband, and sees right through his b.s. Dana Delany plays a really crafty scene where she tries to get a rise out of him, confessing to sleeping with multiple partners and even implying that their daughter isn't his. (another "slap in the face") "Don't call me Brady" gets upset and runs a DNA test back at the police station (oh yeah, he's a cop! I really believe that) to make sure. After finding out the truth, he turns Hulk and kicks his daughter out of his place.

 

There was a theme to tonight's episode, but it wasn't Mother's Day...