B,S,G and the PSATs

Hey Upper-East Siders...

Last night's "Gossip Girl" was lush with character revelations, drama, drugs and booze, just the way we like it. We have a new coupling, an old coupling crumbling, Keiko Agena and B looking as fabulous as ever. What more could a fan ask for?

One of the major lessons (and only missteps) of the episode came in its first few minutes, which proved that no matter how you edit scenes of characters studying, you CANNOT make it interesting to the viewers, not even when Phantom Planet is providing the knarly background music. Now, dear reader, call me crazy, but I remember my school not making that big of a deal out of the PSATs when they came around, mostly because of the fact that the P in PSAT stood for Practice. But apparently every single character's future somehow hinges on THE. MOST. IMPORTANT. PRACTICE. TEST. OF. THEIR. LIVES.

But really, why are we talking about the PSATs (because those initials are SO last decade) when we can be talking about the infamous G, who showed up last night to put some tarnish on S's newly gleaming exterior. I must give the writers kudos for building her up over the last episode to be the scariest beeatch since Bette Davis in "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" (and imagine if the producers decided to remake some of those scenes with S&G), only to have Michelle Trachtenburg walk onscreen with her innocent Dawn-from-Buffy. Hell, I even halfway liked her when she and S were putting on fake accents to toy with guys at the bar.

But then G realized that S was trying to make that change for the better stick, and couldn't take it anymore. Enter some sort of knock-out drug that looked suspiciously like Crystal Pepsi, and S woke up just in time to miss THE. MOST. IMPORTANT. PRACTICE. TEST. OF. HER. LIFE. She was so desperate she called Chuck (who should take patches from all those coats he wore last night and play the lead in a revival of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat"), who promptly paid some girl to pretend to be S instead of, like, holding a door open for her. Because that would have been too hard. I still don't know how I feel about S talking to Chuck, let alone confiding in him, since he tried to rape her in the pilot, but I guess that's how it works on the Upper East Side.

Speaking of women Chuck tried to rape, on the Upper West Side, or wherever that abnormally large loft is, Jenny is going stir-crazy because (gasp!) her father needs a storyline...er...wants to spend some quality time with her. And somehow even though she is supposed to be grounded she still finds time to wander through Central Park with her new BFF, the ten-year-old, and go man-hunting. And finds one, who appears to be completely cute and even brought a paper-bag full of hot-dogs to her loft to share with daddy. Say it together with me: "Awwww...."

Meanwhile, B and her posse of suddenly almost-all-white sidekicks decided to take down a "Gilmore Girls" refugee for no apparent reason, other than that it was more fun than studying for THE. MOST. IMPORTANT. PRACTICE. TEST. OF. THEIR. LIVES. As nice as it was to see Kieko Agena in action again, I honestly wished her character had more muster and proved to be a formidable foe for B instead of an emotional wreck who didn't notice B taking-like-forever to give her back her calculator sans the batteries. Ah well, there were still some snappy lines in the mostly-forgettable subplot.

And then there was Nate and Vanessa, who of course started the episode hating one another and ended with their respective tongues in each other's mouths. I'm all for the coupling, if only because it gives Nate something to do other than being more boring than watching paint dry. It also led to the most awkwardly beautiful moment of the hour, where B and Dan unconsciously moved next to one another in their shared stare and Nate and Vanessa making out. And this was after B was shockingly friendly to Dan as they both tried to find S. Dare I say that these two might be forging an awkward friendship, one I would love to see elaborated on in future episodes?

And then there was the cliffhanger, with Dan being introduced to G (under a fake name). Uh, Dan is as loyal as that golden retriever, so I don't think this will cause much drama other than an episode or two of buildup.

What do you think? Would you love to see more awkward wonderfulness between B and Dan? Will G be able to seduce Dan, or is it much ado about nothing? And did your school go as cuckoo for cocoa puffs over the PSATS?

You know you love me...