Topsy Turvy

Kiddies, hold me.  The apocalypse is upon us.  Tonight, Mark and Chelsie were not my top couple.  But hold up a minute because it gets even worse!  I am forced, beyond all reason, to give top honors to . . . Twitchington.  My entire world view has been shattered.

Now before you think I've gone completely round the bend, Mark and Chelsie were very, very good tonight.  However, I'm not even sure if they get the number two spot over Joshua and Katee.  Josh and Katee had one routine I adored (the Mia piece) and one routine I thought wasn't very good (WCS) while Chelsie and Mark had one routine I really, really liked (Kiss Kiss) and one routine I liked but didn't love (Fox Trot). 

And to top it all off, Cat's outfit crossed the line from amusingly outré to just plain nasty.  There's a thin line between whimsy and WTF, darling.  And you obviously don't know where that line is.

On the plus side, thank you, SYTYCD, for the shirtlessness and your continued insistence on putting Mark in suits.  Holy hotness!

I'm gonna go worst to first here, friends, and maybe by the time I hit the number one spot, I'll be resigned to who's there.

7. Matt and Kourtni

They were the worst by far.  I didn't like either routine.  At all.  Let's dish some dirt.

Dance #1: Hip Hop.  It was so bad. Painful bad. They were so pulled up all. the. time. It looked like, well, two contemporary dancers trying to do hip-hop. I didn't mind the choreography.  I just miss real hip hop on this show, not pop video choreography. I guess it's gone, but I do miss it. And as for the dancing, good heavens, it was bad. These two are just so bland. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Dance #2: Mambo.  We got frikkin' Alex and his bag of tricks. And from the jump, these two have no hip action  I mean from minute one. These two are so tragically white for this dance. They are doing all the steps, but it's just. . . not good. No fire. It was all pulled up, nothing grounded, nothing down into the floor. I totally agreed with NappyTab here (and trust that this will be the only time that happens tonight) that there was no passion in the piece. Back to B3 again for these two.  By far the worst couple of the night.

6. Thayne and Comfort

The good news?  It's a better pairing for Comfort.  The bad news?  The bar was really low.  It's still not a good pairing.  I still love Comfort's personality (although, as I feared, Thayne brings out her hammier tendencies) but she has just spectacularly failed to catch fire in this competition.

Dance #1: Broadway.  I was happy to see some non-Tyce Broadway this week.  And Thayne and Comfort were much better than I thought they would be. Thayne, especially, was much better than he has been these past couple of weeks. Comfort struggled a little bit with the heels, but she did get the characterization right. Thayne, however, really needs to stop trying to sell the chemistry angle. No one's buying.  As for the new choreographer, his stuff seemed a little bit basic, although Thayne's part was more demanding. Overall, I agreed with Nigel. (Another sign of the apocalypse?)  He was a little bit harsh, but he was right. Comfort has no spark as a dancer. And Thayne's a workhorse and he's good, but not great.

Dance #2: Smooth Waltz.  Bored now. That lift everyone was raving about?  Yeah, it was done, but it was so tentative. (Although Comfort did hit a nice position in the air) There was no real meat to their dancing. I mean, I guess it was ok, not really a lot of rise and fall. Eh, it was just ok. And Show,waltz and Broadway? The judges must really want Thayne gone. I am seeing bottom three again for these two. It's a better partnership than Comfort and Big Pasty, but then anything would've been.

5. Will and Jessica

These two are here entirely because of Jessica.  She brought it in their second piece as good as I think she has in her.  And she still got blown off the stage by Will.  She's not bad, but she's just forgettable.  And I'm sorry, Mandy gave her the Cedric treatment in that second piece.  She sat on the edge of the stage and rolled around for about two eight counts while Will did all the actual dancing.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  Let's start at the very beginning.

Dance #1: Jive.  When I saw the style they pulled, I must admit, I wasn't looking forward to it.  And thank dog for that or I'd have been one disappointed young snarker.  As usual, Will was miles better than Jessica. And as much as I love me some Melanie, the choreography did not look all that challenging. I'm specifically benchmarking it against the Danny/Anya jive from last season (which is maybe a wee bit unfair because Jive was a part of Anya's repertoire as a latin dance specialist) and it was much more difficult. Further, I don't think Jessica can do lifts. It's almost like she doesn't trust her partner or she doesn't know how to hold her own weight in the lifts so that the partner has to do all of the work. Both Nigel and Mary had great critiques here. NappyTab? Useless, as usual.

Dance #2: Contemporary.  I'm sorry, y'all, I need a cigarette.  Was there dancing? Because I was completely distracted by Will's insanely, smoking hot body. GOOD LORD!!   Ok, now, the dance. Will was just beautiful. Everything he did was . . . perfection. And Jessica was better in this than I've seen her. (And how sad was it that NappyTab tried to bring it to Jessica but were a day late and a dollar short because that was the best that she's ever done) She brought performance quality, good lines. Of course, she also sat on the floor for the first 16 counts or so while Will danced.  And she still definitely got outdanced by him.  By a lot.  If there were any justice in this world, they'd round out the B3 with Matt/Kourtni and Big Pasty 2: Pale Bogaloo.  However, I think the power of the hotness will protect them, which means that the B3 will be rounded out by my little lovebugs.

4. Courtney and Gev

Yes, kittens.  I do believe America's favorite pocket couple will get their first taste of B3 tomorrow.  Why?  Because they committed the ultimate sin on this show.  They were forgettable.  Neither bad enough to be train wreck memorable nor good enough to be mind blowingly beloved.  Just how did they do then?  Well . . .

Dance #1: Hip Hop.  I thought it was sweet and cute.  Which is exactly the problem.  Kittens, I so miss seeing real hip hop on this show.  Not some weaksauce video choreography, but real, live, raw hip hop.  Do you think we'll ever see it again on this show?  Or have Nigel and crew completely abdicated that particular playing field to ABDC?  Discuss.  As for this piece, Courtney was on fire. As the judges noted, she really did outdance him. Absolutely. But this wasn't really hip hop. Gev tried to be a gentleman and lay if off on the East Coast flava Cicely and Olisa were bringing, but truth is this routine was exactly like what Courtney is used to doing as a Knicks City Dancer. So of course she'd be good at it. For a B-Boy like Gev, doing that style of choreography is probably just as foreign as doing contemporary. I still liked it and had a lot of fun with the routine. And I do love that song. It's old school hotness.

Dance #2: Broadway.  Once again, I thought it was really cute. And I am crazy for On the Town, so props for that.  I though Gev was fairly wonderful in this piece. He's really quite versatile. And again, he has great carriage, despite what Nigel thinks. (Although I'm crying a little on the inside when I think about Evan from the Top 20 doing that number. Crying.) Well, the judges really want this couple in B3.   

3. Mark and Chelsie

It's killing me.  Killing me!!  How can I have them in my number 3 spot?  I blame Mandy Moore.  She is really letting me down this season with her choreography.  Chelsie and Mark brought everything that they could to her routine and really sold it, as they always do.  But I was not pleased with that piece.  Too much posing again.  Too much writhing and wriggling again.  Not demanding enough again.  Here she had two dancers who can absolutely bring it.  She could've really pushed them as I felt Mia did for Joshua and Katee (We'll get to that in a minute) and instead I feel like she squandered these two talents by setting a very pedestrian piece on them.  Thumbs up on the song, though.  Love Kiss Kiss. And since we're already yapping about it, let's wade right in, shall we?

Dance #1: Contemporary.  Even in the face of not great choreography, these two flat out turn it out. Every time. I love them. Love, love, love. Pure love. You might have heard that I didn't really care for the choreography all that much.  There was a rumor floating around.  BUT, they danced it really well. And they do have great chemistry. They turned it out again. Also, Mark is sooooooooooooooooooo pretty, y'all. Can I have one?

Dance #2: Fox Trot.  From that first step down onto the stage, they were both so in character. That was fun. I'm not sure how technically solid it was, but I didn't care. I've lost all ability to be objective about these two. I loved it. Ok, to be fair, there was one lift that was a little awkward (with the slide down the back) but overall, I enjoyed. What can I say?  I Love them. Costume department, thank you for continuing to put Mark in suits because he is smoking.

2. Joshua and Katee

Y'all, I have to give it to them.  Their best routine of the night was better than Chelsie and Mark's best and their weak routine was probably on par, or just a touch below, Mark and Chelsie's fox trot.  So, there you go.  They're #2.  They also get a few bonus points by helping me fulfill my prediction about past contestants coming back as choreographers.  And it was a twofer.  So, I'll give them second best on the night.

Dance #1: Contemporary.  It was so, so good. Amazing. Like Joshua, I had no words after it was done. Beyond mere dancing.  That was truly beautiful. Joshua is stupendous. As much as I hate to be co-opted into Unca Nigel's master plan, I really think he could win. And Katee is blowing my mind with how wonderful she is each and every week.  I reluctantly relinquish my pre-hate.   These two and Chelsie/Mark are definitely a cut above the rest.

Dance #2: West Coast Swing.  It was a little bit of a hot mess for me.  I wasn't feeling it at all. Worst of all?  I was bored by that piece. Maybe the song was too slow? I don't know. West Coast Swing is supposed to be really sexy and this just wasn't. So sad for them. The judges were lying right to their faces. Tremendous? I won't remember this at all tomorrow.

1.

I can't type it.  I just can't.  Just know that it's there.  Looming and unavoidable and true.  Now I know how Blair felt in the back of that limo with Chuck after doing the deed for the first time.  Disgusted and bewildered yet strangely energized and attracted.  I want to see these two again.  How can that be?  I give it up to you, Twitchington.  If someone hadn't been all shirtless and cut and hot, you might not be here.  Just remember that you are on notice.  You're on top right now, but you could be back down in the gutter in a second.

Dance #1: Paso Doble.  So first off, I wanted to see how Kherington would get out of wearing heels.  In practice, they showed her in sandals, and then she shows up on stage in thigh high boots.  WTF, show?  Is she really not ever gonna dance in heels?  (Boots provide a ton more support than strappy dance sandals.  If one were so inclined to believe that Kherington has difficulty dancing in heels)  On the whole, I loved that. I was shocked to think so. I'm glad that Mary brought the expert critique. Nigel, too. And while I agreed that the technique was not there, I was super entertained. NappyTab really just . . . The whole night, I didn't know what the hell they were talking about. It seemed like they were commenting on last week's show.  And finally this week Kherington managed not to smile inappropriately through the whole dance. Well done, you.

Dance #2: Contemporary.  SYTYCD, once again, thank you for the shirtlessness. Friends, Mia is so on this season. That piece was amazing. I now have to stop using that word, but that was incredible. From both of them.  It was just wondrous. I am in love with that piece. I'm blown away by that. How could I not put that above Chelsie and Mark's first piece? Total commitment, lovely technique from both. I adored it.

Bottom and Top Three and Going Home

Well, you saw how I get down.  As for who's going home, well let's just say that I'm glad I swore to take a break this week from all my prognosticatin' ‘cause we got ourselves a barn burner!  Thayne/Comfort and Matt/Kourtni are definitely B3 bound. The show is doing everything it can to get Courtney/Gev down there, too, but by rights it should be Jessica and Will because only half of that partnership is working.

If the B3 is the two gimmes and Gev and Courtney, I think Nigel's going to get his wish and finally boot Matt this week. That way there could easily be another couple boot with Kourtni going too (because for whatever reason, I still think the show's not ready to let Comfort go home). But if somehow Jessica and Will hit B3, I think it will be Jessica going (and deservedly so) although that would leave the hugely unfortunate Will/Kourtni pairing which so would not work on any level. So in that case, I think Thayne would go to leave Will with Comfort.

Argh.  My brain hurts.  See what happens when Mark and Chelsie are not by far the best thing since sliced bread on this show?  I'm going with the Matt/Kourtni boot because Nigel and Co. will be sick of seeing them in the B3 all the time.  But this week, it's topsy turvy land, so who knows?