Survivor

No, see, I go kind of back and forth on how I feel about Probst sporting a baseball cap. On one hand it's...excuse me for just a second. CHET! GET OUT OF THE WATER! GET OUT! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? Okay, sorry about that. Where was I? Right, the baseball cap. As I was saying, the baseball cap is not bad per se. It's just that it comes off as a little too Americana, instead of all exotic and tropical, which is kind of how I like my Survivor to feel. On the other hand, it's also not nearly as...wait. I'm sorry to do this. Just give me a minute here. CHET! YOU PAGEANT-COACHING BASTARD, WHAT DID I TELL YOU? GET YOUR PATHETIC SWIMMING ASS TO SHORE, PRONTO! PRONTO MEANS NOW! SO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN ??? NOW! DO IT, NOW! My sincerest apologies. So, the baseball cap. Not the best chapeau, but also not nearly as offensive as that unflattering Guatemala getup. I realize that makes me sound like a bit of a hypocrite because here I am saying that Probst needs to get more exotic with his headgear choices, yet when he does, I take him to town for it. Look, the fact of the matter is Probst is so good at what he does I have to find something to razz him about, and it's just that...Sorry, I promise this is the last interruption. Just hold that thought for me....CHET! MY HEAD IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE FROM YELLING AT YOU SO MUCH! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? DO YOU WANT MY HEAD TO EXPLODE? BECAUSE IF IT EXPLODES, THEN I CAN'T COMPETE IN CHALLENGES, AND IF I CAN'T COMPETE IN CHALLENGES, THEN WE ARE GOING TO LOSE! PLUS, YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED MY HEAD IS FREAKIN' ENORMOUS! IF IT EXPLODES, YOU MAY GET BRAIN GOO ALL OVER YOU! GRANTED, SINCE YOU ARE STILL IN THE OCEAN REFUSING TO RUSH TO SHORE, I SUPPOSE YOU COULD JUST WASH IT OFF PRETTY EASILY, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT! THE POINT IS ??? GET YOUR ASS TO SHORE BEFORE I KILL YOU! Okay, deep breath. Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath. Anyway, all I was going to suggest is that if Probst is going to wear a baseball cap, why not just go all the way and wear one of those classic early-'80s numbers with the wings on the side, but now I've lost all the momentum after channeling my inner Joel.

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